#1
I haven't written a song before so I thought I would give it a shot. This is the end result:

"Tearing Me Down"
Looking out the window
Watching time fly by
People slowly changing
Start to wonder why

Taking charge of nothing
Hold on so tight
Everyone is leaving
Leaving tonight

Been through it all
Tearing me down
Who's gonna save me
When no one's around?
Together we can
Turn it around
Before it all tumbles
To the ground

This is what we've become
Two souls were one
It is not always fair
But I've learned to bare

Been through it all
Tearing me down
Who's gonna save me
When no one's around?
Together we can
Turn it around
Before it all tumbles
To the ground

This is the end
Try I will no more
I am so sorry
But now I must go

So what do you guys think?
Last edited by SynGates120 at Jul 11, 2009,
#2
Tearing Me down.
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#5
Quote by douglas_2176
nice, but could've added more to the verses

Agreed, your Choruses seems quite a bit longer than your Verses. And I'm wondering, is it fast paced? Slow acoustic, Death metal? Is their a solo?

Or you just got lyrics?
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Last edited by JacobLampman at Jul 10, 2009,
#6
it's a bit too cliche for my taste, but it's not bad for a first song. keep writing!
#7
Well its an acoustic song and there solo is pretty much a chord progression.
Last edited by SynGates120 at Jul 11, 2009,
#9
First song, not bad.
BUT!
1) That is a lot of lyrics with the same rhyme scheme, you might want to avoid that or risk falling into your song seeming like a nursery rhyme. Shake it up a bit, it's very rigid, formulaic, mathematic.
2) Unless the theme of the poem is tangent thoughts, I'd consider thinking about what the purpose or topic of the song truly is, and sticking to that. Currently, it's in the lines of free-floating thought (that's my impression.)
3) If you ARE going to stick with your current rhythm structure, I advise you to follow the rules you have set up for yourself, a couple times you cheat the scheme which will send it off axis (as lyrics alone, music might fix that)
4) Personally, there is little depth or explanation in the 'plot' I guess you could say, try to develop your ideas more.
5) Consider OTHER writing styles, I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure your screen name has to do with Avenged Sevenfold. Let me be the first to tell you, amazing guitarists, but cliche and ineffective song writing. I like Beast and the Harlot, but that's all I'm willing to tolerate from them. Again, this point is based off the A7X thought, but I recommend finding bands with good lyricists to inspire you. Even if you hate the music, take a look at Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides by Pierce the Veil, the lyrical content (and **** that whole song) will not disappoint.
Best of luck with the rest of your writing.
Blake