#1
I wrote these Feb. 2008
Thought I'd share these for feedback and critiquing.
Please! Let me know what you think!

Lyrics:

Vast phantasm of midnight light,
gleam down upon the decrepit crypt
Human remains are all that lay, shattered, torn, and ripped.

Horrors from the deceased, anguish of saturninity grief
Arise forth, into the somber twighlight
Dilvulged corpses, teeming with malice, gluttony,
and a longing for mortal flesh
Feeble and Decayed they rank, crawling out of the
abyssal chasm they mesh

The malodor of mortification and perishment sustain
the air
More and more clamber outward, astray from the putrid lair
Foreboding and ignorance are unearthly commenced
Into the hearts of mortal men, poisoned air, leaving them tense
In a smog of murk adjacent to the prey that is man
outcomes catastrophes of a breathless, cadaverous, compulsion

"Spew their innards! Feast their flesh!" the deathly force of
rot howls.
Shrieks of terror, and torment ample the surroundings
Bodies limp and lifeless, descend to the ground
unholy beings that were once human, devour like hounds
Limbs are pulled, appendages torn, eyes snatched from
their sockets, nothing left to mourn

Blood pours out, upon the virgin earth
Innards are scattered, Corpses chomp down
on the bodies newly tattered
Beings of the night, born again in blood
return lusting the living, risen out of the mud.

Calamity upon man, what darkened ill fate
No evading the damned, hope is to late
seized by the dead, condemnation marooned in the wake
They reign into the night, The innocence of life they take


It's supposed to more tell a story and have a very poetic fashion about it. That's what I aimed for.
#2
It's like "Night of the Living Dead" in words! I like it. Your choice of diction, in my opinion, was very good because it helped construct very vivid images in my mind which, in turn, helped create that ominous, gory, horrific tone I think you were aiming for. You definitely have a way with describing scenes and painting a picture so I thought it was well done.

With words like these, I would assume the music accompanying it would be metal?
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
Quote by SubwayToVenus
It's like "Night of the Living Dead" in words! I like it. Your choice of diction, in my opinion, was very good because it helped construct very vivid images in my mind which, in turn, helped create that ominous, gory, horrific tone I think you were aiming for. You definitely have a way with describing scenes and painting a picture so I thought it was well done.

With words like these, I would assume the music accompanying it would be metal?


Possibly? You know I'm not even sure. I didn't write this to a specific genre of music. I was just inspired by a ton of zombie movies at that point in time lyrically to write this so I guess it would have to fit over metal.