#1
Ever since I can remember, everything I've ever done was to prepare myself for a dream. For a dream that I so wish to be a memory...

|Money | Power | Fame|

Are they necessary?
No, but I want them anyway. And that's the only reason I need, To simply "want".

Why does a newborn cry for a mother's milk? The newborn knows nothing of life and death; good and evil. Yet the baby wants milk. And to drink of the milk, means to participate in life. And life contains...

|Life | Death | Good | Evil|

You see...I am a child, and the world is my mother. I will obtain |These| things from the world. And in return I will bury the world, just as a child grows old and buries it's mother.
#2
A part of me really liked this especially when you made the connection between the child and yourself at the end. Also, I really felt the middle stanza.

However, another part of me feels like you tried to concisely discuss such a vast and philosophical topic in such a short amount of space. Despite this feeling, I did feel like you were concise enough so that, at least I, could take something away from it. I know this seems like a roundabout answer but that's what my thought process was.

Overall, I thought it was a really good read although a speck of me feels like you bit off more than you could chew. That's just my opinion however.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
I know exactly what you mean. This was written on the spot, but I didn't feel that mentioning that would be necessary. Of course all writings are subject to change. It's not finished...nor will it ever be [maybe]. I just wrote what I felt at the time. Thanks for the critique though, I don't get honest opinions very often.
#4
I know this is way overdue information, but might I add that this was an experimental writing style.
I wanted to do something very non-linear, and I think I accomplished that rather well.
But that's enough self-gratification for now.
#5
Quote by EnDZYm3
Ever since I can remember, everything I've ever done was to prepare myself for a dream. For a dream that I so wish to be a memory...

Nice start, keeps thing a bit "vague", yet, we never find out what this dream is..

|Money | Power | Fame| I can see this shouted in some way

Are they necessary?
No, but I want them anyway. And that's the only reason I need, To simply "want".

I like that

Why does a newborn cry for a mother's milk? The newborn knows nothing of life and death; good and evil. Yet the baby wants milk. And to drink of the milk, means to participate in life. And life contains...Why participate in life? I why mention life, death, good and evil again?

|Life | Death | Good | Evil|

You see...I am a child, and the world is my mother. I will obtain |These| things from the world. And in return I will bury the world, just as a child grows old and buries it's mother. Actually, I think this is a very deep ending, a new start of a never ending cycle, just where did you leave this "dream" that was to become a "memory" of the intro?


All in all, I liked that, but wouldn't know how to incorporate this into a song.
Still needs a bit of working imho.
C4C?
#6
Oh...
Well...
It wasn't to be a song.
Or even poetry for that matter.
And it's not a short story...but it gives off a vibe simmilar to it.
It's almost autobiographical.
Last edited by EnDZYm3 at Sep 2, 2009,