#1
This is a short song I wrote for my horror punk band 'Six Years Ago'. I'd love some lyrical critique before we go and record our first EP. Thanks in advance for all of the help!

Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Holy hell, he's coming!

The dead will rise from their graves.
It's the end of humanity.
Killer clowns dangle knives right outside your window.
What else lurks in the dark; in the shadows?

Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Holy hell, he's coming!

Chainsaw wielding maniacs want your skin.
There's no way for you to win.
Dr. Creep has arrived and he's ready to play.
He ties you down and grabs his scalpel; time to eat your brains!

Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Dr. Creep's Nightmare Asylum
Holy hell, he's coming!
#2
no offence dude but they're a little corny...
it might be what your going for but it's kind of like your saying "this is shocking you ahhhh!!" i was sort of hoping for a cool gothic feel from this dr.creep character but all i ended up getting was his name repeated and then some kind of slasher flick imagery between it
in my opinion they would be better if you went for more psychological angle then a saw five angle but that's just me

sorry if i was to critical or whatever but i hoped it helped
#4
Dude, this is f*cking insane. =O
Gear:
Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Ibanez TB100H
Peavey 5150 4x12 Cabinet
MXR M-108 10-Band Graphic EQ
Hardwire TL-2 Metal Distortion
Boss NS-2 Noise Suppressor

My band, Rest Your Case:
facebook.com/restyourcase
#6
I have to agree with spitonstranger, if you did something more psychologically disturbing rather than cheesy and boring it would be very interesting. perhaps something like the eye by poe? but instead, dr. creep is the killer and you mix up the plot a bit. If it's not too much trouble, i would appreciate some crit on the piece in my sig.
#7
I understand the genre and what you were going for, but the lyrics feel boring and repetive. I agree with the idea of developing the character more, considering the song is about him. Focus on one topic, perhaps Dr. Creep, and don't stray away to other ideas like the clowns, these seem like they could be from a different song entirely. Its horror punk, 1 anda half minute songs right? (Walk Among Us style anyway). SO don't be afraid to save some of these gruesome monsters and concepts and create a different song for them.
#9
Quote by SKAtastic7770
I understand the genre and what you were going for, but the lyrics feel boring and repetive. I agree with the idea of developing the character more, considering the song is about him. Focus on one topic, perhaps Dr. Creep, and don't stray away to other ideas like the clowns, these seem like they could be from a different song entirely. Its horror punk, 1 anda half minute songs right? (Walk Among Us style anyway). SO don't be afraid to save some of these gruesome monsters and concepts and create a different song for them.


I think maybe people are getting a different meaning than what I intended... The song is more or less inspired by movies like Tobe Hooper's Funhouse. It's not technically about Dr. Creep, it's about his asylum. In said asylum, he has evil clowns, chainsaw wielding maniacs, etc. I wanted to keep Dr. Creep a mystery until I developed him in a later song that's entirely about him and not where he kills people.

Maybe that helps some of you understand it more?