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Aaron!!
nil desperandum
Join date: Jun 2008
733 IQ
#2
Holy crap dude....I thought that was really good

Loved the piano bit at the start.
The solo bit after that was excellent, as was the sweep picking.
I liked the part that begins on 65, its nice. Although, I think transition from 64 - 65 could be improved.
The last 8 bars....meh. Didn't really work in my opinion. Lacking compared to the rest of the song, seems like you got a bit lazy with the ending

Overall, great piece .
Good work
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#3
Quote by Aaron!!
Holy crap dude....I thought that was really good

Loved the piano bit at the start.
The solo bit after that was excellent, as was the sweep picking.
I liked the part that begins on 65, its nice. Although, I think transition from 64 - 65 could be improved.
The last 8 bars....meh. Didn't really work in my opinion. Lacking compared to the rest of the song, seems like you got a bit lazy with the ending

Overall, great piece .
Good work

Thanks man! Should I cut out the last 8 bars? And yes, as I've only finished 2 pieces, and they're both less than 30 seconds long, and I wanted a finished piece already, so I got lazy. As for the 64-65, I raised the tempo on bar 63 to 160, so that should work. I'll continue working on it.
Aaron!!
nil desperandum
Join date: Jun 2008
733 IQ
#4
Quote by jimmyled
Thanks man! Should I cut out the last 8 bars? And yes, as I've only finished 2 pieces, and they're both less than 30 seconds long, and I wanted a finished piece already, so I got lazy. As for the 64-65, I raised the tempo on bar 63 to 160, so that should work. I'll continue working on it.


Yeah, id cut the last 8 bars out .
Take your time with writing the songs....if you aren't feeling it, leave it and come back to it . I wouldn't rush them if i were you

Id love to hear it after you've worked on it!

Please post it
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#5
Quote by Aaron!!
Yeah, id cut the last 8 bars out .
Take your time with writing the songs....if you aren't feeling it, leave it and come back to it . I wouldn't rush them if i were you

Id love to hear it after you've worked on it!

Please post it

Thanks! I've also added a Piano break in 3/4 and a short Drum solo.
JesseBlanchard
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
626 IQ
#6
Im guessing the intro piano would be good in a minimalistic atmospheric way. but to me, it didnt transfer that well onto gp. kinda boring. solo was kinda cool.but solos really arnt my thing. i cant stand them. metalcore riff was alright, but didnt really stand out. some of the transitions seemed awkward, but drums would help that.
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#7
Quote by JesseBlanchard
Im guessing the intro piano would be good in a minimalistic atmospheric way. but to me, it didnt transfer that well onto gp. kinda boring. solo was kinda cool.but solos really arnt my thing. i cant stand them. metalcore riff was alright, but didnt really stand out. some of the transitions seemed awkward, but drums would help that.

Well thanks anyway. To each his own. Have you written anything (can't remember or be arsed to look)?
Zeroxk
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2008
364 IQ
#9
Awesome intro
Intro solo really fit (though I'm not sure about the sweeping part)
Need a smoother transition into the heavy riff
The next few bars (83+)seems like you had an idea, then scrapped it, let them repeat a bit more.
In summary, great intro, not that smooth transition into heavy riffing, after that I'm not quite sure where you're headed
ultimate-slash
Playing the tempeh
Join date: Oct 2007
755 IQ
#10
Thanx for critting my songs (meaning of life and word from above) and thanx for spending 18 valuable minutes off your life on listening to it

anyways, here goes my crit:

Bar 1 - 32:
really nice, it's got a relaxed sound to it, slowly and gradually building towards the solo, sounds good.
Bar 33 - 40:
Very, very nice solo
Bar 41 - 48:
Solo continues to be very good, and the powerchords backing it up give it a lot of power, but maybe there can be some room to change it around a bit and add just that little touch more to it than just whole notes
Bar 49 - 63:
Another great solo part, really like the sweeping in the beginning to just add that little extra to it, again here maybe some changes in the background powerchords to spice it up a little (not too much though, shouldn't be too overwhelming)
Bar 65 - 68:
nothing to say here, cool riff
Bar 69 - 76:
I really like the sudden transition to bar 69
Bar 77 - 82:
Nice groove going on behind the riff, the only thing I'd change is maybe giving the bass drums a longer rhythm, meaning that you could carry a rhythm that lasts 2 bars instead of just 1 bar like you now do by repeating it.
Bar 83 - 90:
Don't like this part, sounds too simplistic
Bar 90 - 98:
Same as previous
Leaving the choirs behind to sing
of anything fair
of lilac spring
.
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#11
Quote by ultimate-slash
Thanx for critting my songs (meaning of life and word from above) and thanx for spending 18 valuable minutes off your life on listening to it

Finally, someone understands the transition into the heavy riff! 83 is not that simplistic, have a listen at the bass and lead alone. I cut out 90 onwards and replaced it with a piano break and a drum solo. Also, the Rhythm will be different in real life (same with the drums) so don't take it as granted.
Last edited by jimmyled at Jul 14, 2009,
icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,638 IQ
#12
Thanks for the crit

As I listen.

I like the piano bit, but I'm not sure if it translates all that well into GP. It feels like it's a little slow and drags a bit. This does correct itself when the bass kicks in though.

Intro solo is fantastic. For some reason it's got a vague feeling of David Gilmoure to me. Either way I really liked it, and the way you kind of built up the backing tracks behind it.

Not a fan of the sweeping, but it's by no means bad. I like that the chord changes weren't the ones I was expecting. Drums were somewhat annoying here too. Bass I loved.

57-64 were again good, although I still feel the drums behind them are kinda meh.

65-68 Very nice, but too short. Just as I'm starting to get into it, you change it up.

69-76 I hate this kind of thing. Nothing wrong with it, just my personal opinion

The rest of the song though is great. Really cool stuff going on between the guitars, and a very cool bass line.
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#13
Quote by icronic
Thanks for the crit

As I listen.

I like the piano bit, but I'm not sure if it translates all that well into GP. It feels like it's a little slow and drags a bit. This does correct itself when the bass kicks in though.

Intro solo is fantastic. For some reason it's got a vague feeling of David Gilmoure to me. Either way I really liked it, and the way you kind of built up the backing tracks behind it.

Not a fan of the sweeping, but it's by no means bad. I like that the chord changes weren't the ones I was expecting. Drums were somewhat annoying here too. Bass I loved.

57-64 were again good, although I still feel the drums behind them are kinda meh.

65-68 Very nice, but too short. Just as I'm starting to get into it, you change it up.

69-76 I hate this kind of thing. Nothing wrong with it, just my personal opinion

The rest of the song though is great. Really cool stuff going on between the guitars, and a very cool bass line.

Thanks! The Piano does seem to drag, pity... The solo is inspired partly by David Gilmour, so I should hope it sounds like him... The Drums are a tough one for me, I have a hard time making them work, and don't want to spend time making them sound good in the first draft. 65-68 is short on purpose, to get into 69 unexpectedly. Thanks anyway!
Disgruntled Gnu
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2009
43 IQ
#14
C4C:

The piano intro sounded good but seemed a bit too slow; it also felt very static. I would mainly attribute that to the way the midi notes don't sound very full. This would be much better with real instruments, especially if you had some background sound effects that fit well.

The opening guitar solo was great. The sweep picking solo that followed was okay but not quite as good, it didn't feel quite as dynamic. The riff following the sweep picking solo was also good, I have no complaints about that.

I didn't really like the blast beat part in 3/4 because it felt kind of sudden and unexpected rough compared to the rest of the song. However it did a good good establishing the mood for the riff that followed.

I didn't really like the ending that much. The arpeggio's didn't seem to be going anywhere and it the first guitar didn't seem to contribute anything to the progression either.

Some parts of the song are great but if I were you I would change the ending a bit. The song doesn't really reach a conclusion.
Myung'sMusicman
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
513 IQ
#15
First of all thanks for the crit!

I liked the whole thing really being it's not complete I am not going to say anything about the last part but my favorite part was the open 16th notes followed by the quarter on D#. Reminded me a lot of Symphony X's Set The World on Fire! Great Job I'd like to hear a finished product when that is done
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#16
Quote by Myung'sMusicman
First of all thanks for the crit!

I liked the whole thing really being it's not complete I am not going to say anything about the last part but my favorite part was the open 16th notes followed by the quarter on D#. Reminded me a lot of Symphony X's Set The World on Fire! Great Job I'd like to hear a finished product when that is done

Thanks! Both to you and Gnu. I've changed it a lot, so most of the parts you're complaining about are already gone.
Butt Rayge
UG Resident
Join date: Jan 2009
2,788 IQ
#17
Writing as i listen

Seems like it hasn't really started till the bass comes in.
Guitar is way too loud
Needs drums
Transition for 49*-50 is awesome. Totally wasn't expecting that arpeggio.
Whole intro solo section is pretty good.

Some decent riffage* starting at 65. Perhaps a tad generic though.
I don't reallylike the descending passage from 83. Could be better with drums...

On a whole, this has some potential. The piano Intro needs a bit more movement to keep it interesting. An accompaniment perhaps?
33-64 was certainly the best section in the whole thing. Needs drums though, as i mentioned.

Keep at it

EDIT: * changed 40 to 49 *Tried to write riffage but it censored 'fag'
Last edited by Butt Rayge at Jul 17, 2009,
cptazad
Jeff Loomis is God
Join date: Jan 2006
1,704 IQ
#18
Excellent piece.

I'm not going to do a huge crit (seeing as how so many ppl have critted it so far).

Here's my take in short form:

-great intro, great use of piano; have the bass come in a bit early (i.e. take out 8 bars from the intro)

-bar 33, great solo, nice phrasing and pace, I quite enjoyed it!

-Bar 49, once again, great job, loving them arps

-the riffing, sorry to say, just didn't do it for me. The solos/leads and backing rhythm were tight, but when the riffs came in I just wasn't interested. Bar 69 was the only "ok" riff out of the bunch that I heard in there, sorry man, just being honest.

Overall good song and effort, my suggestion would be to add some newer riffs in there but to each his own seeing as how I have no idea what genre this would fall under.
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Julz127
And.
Join date: Mar 2008
1,065 IQ
#19
Hey thanks for the crit.

Mmm Cap'n Crunch... In Em. Well overall this is pretty good, I must say though I'm sick of hearing those rolling powerchords with 16th note leads over them, some riffs would be nice.

Anyways, The piano intro is way to long, and just too slow, I found myself constantly alt-tabbing to explorer every time I listened to it until about bar 17, around 25 I really started to enjoy the piece. The first solo is really awesome, the whole 33 - 48 section reminded me of P Floyd, great job.

I already mentioned about the 16th leads, shredding or whatever you wanna call it, so this (49 - 46) was probably the lowest point of the song for me. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't all that good. Anyways.

The rest of the song was pretty decent, Nice riffs, I liked the 3/4 section, and the outro could have done with a bit of work though.
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supea
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2007
219 IQ
#20
The solos were really good I liked them
Has many great ideas, isn't too mainstream or how should I say it, anyways, liked it
9½/10
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#21
Hey thanks for the crits everyone! I understand not everybody likes this, as people like different stuff. Anyway, I'm still working, and I have a solo Piano Interlude, a Drum Solo and a possible 7/8 Bridge. Oh and I also cut the last 8 bars of the Piano intro, and am working on changing the rhythm for the solos.
Last edited by jimmyled at Jul 19, 2009,
kaos572
MetalliShredder
Join date: Apr 2008
719 IQ
#22
the intro was awesome 5/5 the solo was very cool. the riffs after that arent that good in my opinion a bit too generic and bland IMO the part at bar 83 isnt that good abit boring. overall not that great and intro solo is certainly the jewel in the song
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Wolfinator-x
Teeth
Join date: Apr 2007
1,337 IQ
#23
Pretty good! When the guitars came in, it was awesome. Bar 49 was epic. Bar 65 when it accelerates, it gets awesome.

Overall, for an unfinished song, it's pretty cool.

C4C? Link in sig or my newest creation:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1166039
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Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
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#24
the piano at the start was very well done. simple yet good, although it could use much more variation especially since it was very slow. but once this song picked up I really enjoyed it. some awesome leads in there. I think the little sweeps section could be livened up. it got boring. :/ and the ending was practically nonexistent. but other than that, good job. very enjoyable.
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frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
#25
i like the piano intro and the solo, it worked very well. sounds very avenged sevenfoldish to me.
then the metalcore riffs are cool, nothing too original but it was fine.
the break was nice and the the outro bit wouldve been better if the drums hadnt vanished.
my only problem with the piece is the durms, id rewrite them if i were you. apart from the drums its a good piece, 7 or 8/10
frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
#26
oh its unfinished, forgot to read that
well id still rewrite some of the drums but obviously the absence of drums at the end is irrelevant
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#27
Well thanks everyone! I'm going to upload my most recent version soon, and another one with an optional bridge, so you can tell me which one to keep.
actaderock
UG's Paisa
Join date: Apr 2008
2,570 IQ
#28
There was something wrong between bars 82 and 83
Solo in the intro=EPIC
This could be the next November rain but with a thrash metal touch to it
There were some dissonant sounds in the piano at the intro

Overall= 9/10
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#29
Quote by actaderock
There was something wrong between bars 82 and 83
Solo in the intro=EPIC
This could be the next November rain but with a thrash metal touch to it
There were some dissonant sounds in the piano at the intro

Overall= 9/10

Yeah the dissonance was on purpose, I used Re (D) flat instead of normal. And as I said, I've already changed the part on bar 83.
sfaune92
Used Register
Join date: Oct 2008
616 IQ
#30
I think you've got enough crits telling this is awesome, and i agree. I loved the solos and everything really. Both solos, and the bassline was better than most of those basslines over here at UG.

9 of 10

The only bad thing was that it was kind of short.

And can you please tell me what a "linear scale" is?

edit: oh, it isn't finished yet... oh, then it's a 9,5
ERROR 0x45: Signature not found
Last edited by sfaune92 at Jul 23, 2009,
a7xrocks02
Hates A7X.
Join date: Aug 2008
829 IQ
#31
Pretty great!

The leads were very nice throughout the entire song.

Good transition at 65. 75 was very good. I didn't really like 87-90.

Overall, pretty good song.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1168331
thorbor
UG's only Holo
Join date: Oct 2008
1,325 IQ
#32
Hey man, nice song about a pit thread, there are great song ideas everyday without anybody noticing.
seriously, this song is bad*ss, the solos were awesome, I liked the piano bit at the start and the rythm was quite heavy, nothing wrong with anything at all.
You really expressed the feelings of the TS, great job
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thechad90000
Addicted to the Shindig
Join date: Jul 2009
65 IQ
#33
Definitely need some work on the ending. Overall I really liked it. I thought the piano part played out a bit too long and was actually off at some points so you may wanna go back and relook some of that; but overally I thought it was really good and I enjoyed listening to it.
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#34
Quote by sfaune92
I think you've got enough crits telling this is awesome, and i agree. I loved the solos and everything really. Both solos, and the bassline was better than most of those basslines over here at UG.

9 of 10

The only bad thing was that it was kind of short.

And can you please tell me what a "linear scale" is?

edit: oh, it isn't finished yet... oh, then it's a 9,5

Thanks! Linear scales are scales which you play up and down.
Thanks everyone, but as I said I've already changed most of the problematic parts. And BTW I'm the TS of the original thread, but that's a good idea! I think I'll write other songs about UG threads.
defiance64
>:) Imma mad-smiley! Raha
Join date: Feb 2007
2,255 IQ
#35
The notes in measures 5-8 had to take some time for me to start liking them. When the guitar solo came in I started liking the song a lot more. 49 posed a little issue as did the piano lol. Then when tempo picks y ou've got an amazing song Perfect for me lol breakdowny part is kinda neat but some of the stuff is kinda offkey for me lol.

8/10
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SOADisdabest
Great Job!
Join date: Jul 2006
1,499 IQ
#36
Hey dude, sorry for taking so long to get back to you, been a bit busy and stuff.

Intro: Very nice piano, awesome work on the drums, very atmospheric, gives me the feeling something big is coming. Bass is also very well done, and combined with the leads it makes me feel invincible.

Bar 41-64: Builds up the sweeps incredibly, very nicely done.

Bar 65-76: You know how I mentioned how something big was coming? This is it. Simple and (dare I say) a bit generic but the heaviness of the 3/4 riff makes up for it.

Bar 77-82: Nice harmonisation here, fits well.

Bar 83-End: Can't say I enjoyed this part as much as the others but still wasn't too bad, I think a synth over the top of this could work nicely and make it feel a bit fuller.

Overall, 8/10. Good effort.
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#38
Updated the song! Yay! Still working on the drums though.
GuitarProPro
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2009
45 IQ
#39
This was very, very nice! 10/10. Very mellow and emotional, very proffesional.

But riff B1 was... Wierd. I'd cut that one out :P
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
783 IQ
#40
Quote by GuitarProPro
This was very, very nice! 10/10. Very mellow and emotional, very proffesional.

But riff B1 was... Wierd. I'd cut that one out :P

You mean the one on the newer or older version? I personally really like the new one. It's intentionally suddenly mellower, and I really like the fade ins. Thanks anyway!