#1
Stuck on this one, any helpful criticism appreciated.

"And Here We Toast to Life"

She's been dead for thee full days
In a chemical fueled haze
Joking "My god now I know what Jesus must have felt like,
And original sin
I don't know where to begin
Cause every one of mine seems original to me"

And she sings:
Hallelujah to the flesh
And the sins that show we're alive
Cause we won't meet god in life or death
It is ourselves we truly find

The preacher by her bed
Takes in his hands her head
And says "Daughter repent for life, come find forgiveness"
But to that she only smiles
Knowing life has been worth while
Responds "No thanks I think I got life right my first guess"

And she sings:
Hallelujah to the flesh
And the sins that show we're alive
Cause we won't meet god in life or death
It is ourselves we truly find
#2
This was really, really good. It had an amazing flow and how you created some brilliant lines. The second verse really struck a chord with me.

I loved the whole message of the piece, as well. I interpreted it as realizing that it is fine to make mistakes in life and that we shouldn't live with regrets. We shouldn't try to mold ourselves in the holiest creature on earth because, by doing that we lose what makes us individuals. As you aptly put it, it is our "sins that show we're alive".

I'm sure there's a lot more in there but that's what I took out of it after the first few reads. Great writing though. I really enjoyed it
here, My Dear, here it is