#1
we shoot all our firecrackers at the sky,
and smile like we wish it was the fourth of july.
We light our cigarettes with the fuses,
it's the rush we get from knowing we could get burnt,
it's the rush we felt from feeling we could get hurt.

oh but this is a new day
a new day to figure it out
leave it all behind in this ****hole town
but we know that won't happen
because i just can't run away from the thought of me and you

we can lay by the river and promise the moon
but even if we did come through
it just wouldn't be enough
to keep you with my arm around you.
it wouldnt be enough to learn
how to do this all again

oh but this is a new day
a new day to figure it out
leave it all behind in this ****hole town
but we know that won't happen
because i just can't run away from the thought of me and you
#2
I didn't care for the "rush" repetition line.
The 'oh' that occurred twice didn't tickle my fancy either.
Everything started strong but after 3 lines or so the quality seemed to decline.
Fast.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#3
Quote by bluesybilly
we shoot all our firecrackers at the sky,
and smile like we wish it was the fourth of july.
I didn't particularly like the rhyme, but it was alright.
We light our cigarettes with the fuses,
it's the rush we get from knowing we could get burnt,
I agree with ninjamonkey about the rush repetition. Personally I'd replace the comma at the end of this line with a semi colon.
it's the rush we felt from feeling we could get hurt.

oh but this is a new day
a new day to figure it out
This read clumsily with no punctuation.
leave it all behind in this ****hole town
but we know that won't happen
because i just can't run away from the thought of me and you
Just a little bit cliche. Sorry, I didn't really feel it.

we can lay by the river and promise the moon
but even if we did come through
it just wouldn't be enough
to keep you with my arm around you.
The repetition of "you" was just slightly annoying.
it wouldnt be enough to learn
how to do this all again

oh but this is a new day
a new day to figure it out
leave it all behind in this ****hole town
but we know that won't happen
because i just can't run away from the thought of me and you


I'm pretty sure I've read better things from you. I honestly think you could have worded most of these things better. Sorry if I've been harsh, it's just my opinion.

If you wanna rip mine apart:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1162168
#4
I preferred the idea of this to many of the other pieces of yours that I've read, but it was phrased clumisily and I wish wish wish with that subject matter it was as good as your average.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#5
cussin' looks shitty when it comes out as asterisks.

I kinda agree with Ted about the rush repetition. And I kinda disagree.
almost needs a third rep of rush (or a similar sounding word) in that sequence.
OR maybe find way to do a similar repetition elsewhere, too.
We light our cigarettes with the fuses,

I couldn't help but think that's bass-ackwards.
I light the fuses with the ember of the cigarette.
to keep you with my arm around you.

that line has a stumbly feel to it.

Lacks some of the grit I've come to expect (and love) from your work,
but I like it pretty well just the same.
Meadows
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