Hey guys,

Just to start, i've been playing the local circuit in my city for like 6 years already. I've always played with my bands and had other people on stage with me to bounce off of when we needed to talk to the crowd in between songs. Now, i've also played by myself on stage before, but only for one song at a time. i never did an entire set.

So here's my problem. I have a solo acoustic gig tonight. Ive got a strong set and im confident it will sound good. Only thing is i havent played live for about a year. Since i'll be alone, i'm a little worried about how things are gonna go in between songs. what am i gonna talk about? do you guys have anything funny or entertaining i could say? go wild.

<DInkyDaisy>I would so have sex with tauket now.
<SpacedOut>I'd kill to have tauket naked in a bath of warm milk right now.
<Blnkgttrst>Oh Chris, you're what the Spaniards call "El Terrible"
<Jallas>chris you're hot in bed
Sing the sponge bob square pants theme tune
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Disregard that,i suck cocks.
Smooth quick transitions inbetween songs, dont feel the need to explain why you wrote every song etc... one or two are fine but usually people just want to hear some tunes.
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With boys it's like "here's an incredibly complex sport to learn with sophisticated rules and various interdependent roles to play in a social unit."

For girls it's like "here's Barbie...you're fat!"
Talk about how your psychologist says you would murder huge amounts of people if they didn't clap enough.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
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Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

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What are you dense?
Are you retarded or something?
Who the hell do you think I am?
I'm the goddamn Batman.

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If you have the Flight of the Conchords CD, do the track titled "Banter." Only by yourself.

You will probably be booed though.

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Talk about how your psychologist says you would murder huge amounts of people if they didn't clap enough.

This would probably work too.
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Take it to Bandleading, Chris.
Don't let the title fool you. You don't have to be in a band to use the same on-stage principles.
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I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Tell a joke. Tell the crowd how frikkin' nervous you are. Tell them about a meal you had, Or better yet:

Shut up and play yer guitar!
-Frank Zappa
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Talk to people before the gig. Eventually you'll meet someone who portrays atleast one characteristic of a person in a song you are going to play. Before you play it, say "And here's a song I was inspired to play after speaking to "X"". It now looks like you just wrote a song, and you have dedicated it to someone, so they will come again.

"I don't have an instrument, I don't have a great voice, I just have some nice clothes maybe." paul rutherford
Do some observational comedy.

Yeah, my aunt Frieda was a real card
She always had the most wonderful spirit,
even when her mind started to go.
I remember once, she wrote a letter to my uncle Tom
from whom she'd been divorced for several years.
And in the letter, she'd misspelled his name T-O-M-M.
And I said, "Frieda, you've spelled Tom's name wrong."
"You need to take out one of the M's."
And she said, "Which one?"
Quote by webbtje
You should just take a shit on the stage.

Think of some jokes or something. Just banter.

Take a shit and then jizz everywhere. I wouldn't even dare to blink, let alone take my eyes off the stage.