#1
I think I'm addicted to depression.


She won't return my calls
or reply to my questions. Silence greets me
like restless nights greet the dark.
I think I'm addicted to depression.
It makes me happy to be miserable
and I know that isn't normal but I'm not.
I revel in elend and embrace the cold.
I have a heart but it beats to a different rhythm.

My dreams are contained in walls of black ash
peeling away to reveal more ash.
There is a staircase of infinite dimensions in a Great Hall
and I have yet to find the bottom.
It keeps
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
and
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
neverending, spiralling into abyssal darkness.
I want to see what lies at the bottom
but I know I will not know true fear until I do.
For the sins to be done,
I offer myself to it.

She still won't return my calls.
Can't she see I'm by my phone at all hours,
waiting for the vibration and noise.
I want to hear the happiness echo in the Hall.
I built this world with sticks and stones
and the foundations are my bones.

I descend the staircase. Three hours have passed.
The days grow shorter while


the


nights


grow


longer


until
it stops
and I awaken
still descending.

Is this the price of happiness?
Is all I've done in my life
reverted back to clinging to hope
and dreams while everything around me
crumbles and decays? She said it all along;
Necessity is necessary.

I think I'm addicted to depression.
Why else would I be trying the find the bottom
and not the top?
Last edited by Dæmönika at Jul 15, 2009,
#2
The poem itself is very well written and structured brilliantly. Your use of print effects such as line-outs and coloring is also very interesting and effective. Flows well. My only criticism would be against the title, which I find grammatically redundant. Necessities are ALWAYS necessary--that's why they're NECESSities. But that's just something small I thought I'd point out. Very nice work. Depression is good sometimes--produces some great writing. One love!
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#3
Quote by Dæmönika
I think I'm addicted to depression.


She won't return my calls
or reply to my questions. Silence greets me
like restless nights greet the dark.
I think I'm addicted to depression.
It makes me happy to be miserable - It makes me happy seems too..casual? Ionno. Something not right.
and I know that isn't normal but I'm not.
I revel in elend and embrace the cold.
I have a heart but it beats to a different rhythm.

My dreams are contained in walls of black ash
peeling away to reveal more ash. - I don't like the repetition of ash. It's awkward.
There is a staircase of infinite dimensions in a Great Hall
and I have yet to find the bottom.
It keeps
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
and - Falling doesn't seem like the right words to me, because staircases don't fall. Also, it might be cooler and easier to read if you made it look like actual stairs. I'm not sure how to do that though..


f
a
l
l
i
n
g
neverending, spiralling into abyssal darkness.
I want to see what lies at the bottom
but I know I will not know true fear until I do.
For the sins to be done,
I offer myself to it.

She still won't return my calls.
Can't she see I'm by my phone at all hours,
waiting for the vibration and noise.
I want to hear the happiness echo in the Hall.
I built this world with sticks and stones
and the foundations are my bones.

I descend the staircase. Three hours have passed.
The days grow shorter while


the


nights


grow


longer


until
it stops
and I awaken
still descending.

Is this the price of happiness?
Is all I've done in my life
reverted back to clinging to hope
and dreams while everything around me
crumbles and decays? She said it all along;
Necessity is necessary.

I think I'm addicted to depression.
Why else would I be trying the find the bottom - I think something like "searching for" would work better than "trying to find".
and not the top?



I was just nitpicking the hell out of this because I couldn't find anything majorly wrong with it. I loved how visual it was...it really made me get into it. Overall, it was very good. If you could take a look at the one in my sig(The bottom sentence), it would be awesome.


Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Jul 15, 2009,
#5
Quote by Dæmönika
Lulz.

*Reported*


still you've got to feel pretty good though right, that of all the poems in the forum, he picked yours to spam in.

edit:

oh yeah, also about the piece, the form of it can get a little distracting, but overall it was pretty enjoyable. the last stanza especially hit hard and was clever in the process, i dug that, and the whole concept just really hits close to home for me given recent events.
Last edited by NGD1313 at Aug 14, 2009,
#6
Quote by NGD1313
still you've got to feel pretty good though right, that of all the poems in the forum, he picked yours to spam in.

edit:

oh yeah, also about the piece, the form of it can get a little distracting, but overall it was pretty enjoyable. the last stanza especially hit hard and was clever in the process, i dug that, and the whole concept just really hits close to home for me given recent events.



It's a month old. I do feel privileged that he took the time out to trawl through the forum though. I think I'm going to miss the little bugger.
#7
Looks like someone's been reading House of Leaves.

I enjoy ergodic literature and I felt that this was well written. I particularly like how you accent the words with darker meanings and strike anything with lighter connotations.