#1
Okay, pit, this seems to be the best place where I can post my writing, so here we go... this isn't a fan fiction, although you may see lots of elements from different video games and books in here, all of the characters and the story itself are my own... enjoy!

Prologue


In the age of war over five hundred years ago, the land thrived on death and destruction. Soldiers were used from different nations as "Heroes," specially trained from birth to be tools of war. In this land however, war is not fought with bombs and gunfire. In this continent, known as Demaytra, magic, sword and bow were the arsenal of the military used by the three nations seeking dominance over all. The three nations, Aspheix, Nadraya, and Coodrayix eventually were torn apart after one hundred years of war. The leaders of each nation, known as the Elders Council, met and unified the land, as the fighting and evil was causing demons of the old age to awaken, and through their unification, the Demaytrians finally settled their dispute and through the Heroes, the demons of old were fought back, to the Wastes of Arcaya in the North.

These many Heroes became brothers, and eventually established what is known as the Heroes Council, a lesser branch of the Elders. After the Great War, these Heroes became protectors of the land, serving the people as guardians to be payed, protecting citizens as they traveled from bandits, wayward demons, and other creatures of dark nature.

Some Heroes however, were of course swayed by the human nature of greediness and a lust for power. Many sought to rule all of Demaytra or simply find magic that would give them great power. Some worked together, while others created their own organizations, the most infamous of which became Erebus, a dark company that sought control of demons and man alike. The leader was a Hero many considered to be a mystery, and to this day his identity has been shrouded in secret.

After years of clashing with each other, the Heroes Council and Erebus vanished, most of the leaders and Heroes all killed in battle. The Elder Hero, the tie between the Heroes Council and the Elders Council, used a special magic to freeze Strife, a great hero with a dark past who fought in both the Great War and with Erebus, in a sphere to be awoken centuries later when Demaytra would need him most. The years slowly passed, and the citizens of Demaytra grew accustomed to the life without war, demons, or magic. A small police force was used to fend off occasional bandit raids, as well as uphold the law.

Now, five hundred years after so much has passed, gun powder has been invented, and the flintlock rifle and pistol, along with fireworks, has helped move the industrialization of Demaytra along. However, old demons are awakening, whispers are being made of Erebus, and the Heroes Council is in ruin and forgotten. The Elders still remain, but few have any knowledge of the Heroes and their time. Life is about to be disrupted, and life on Demaytra is about to revert to the old ways.


Chapter One


"Okay Fred, you silly bugger, I'll see you tomorrow!" George the bartender called out to the bumbling drunkard, as he mumbled to himself, he tripped and groaned his way to the exit of the tavern. It was a quiet night, the air was still, and it was closing time.

George began piling chairs and stools up on the tables and bar, thinking to himself how he would enjoy smoking his pipe and sitting in front of a warm fire next to his wife, wasting the night away and occasionally peeking out the window to look at the stars.

Cleaning out beer mugs, he froze to see a pair of eyes staring at him from the door frame of the tavern, a tall figure wearing a shrouded hood and cloak, with a large sword strapped on his back, and a strange piece of armor attached to his left shoulder. Clearing his throat, George spoke, "Ahem, stranger, can I help you? We are closing up, but if you like, I can poor you a quick drink," he said as politely as possible, not wishing to sound antagonistic toward such a formidable figure.

"No, thank you. I'm merely here for information," the man's voice relaxed the bartender, not sounding anything like what he had expected, he had a strong, stern nature, but very calm sounding, indicating he had no intent of starting a scene. Upon closer inspection, George saw the man was bearing a flintlock pistol, with a platinum finish and expert craftsmanship, knowing the blacksmith, George had an eye for great weaponry. The man's face also came out of the shadow; he had charismatic, blue eyes, and the features of a man in his thirties. His lengthy black hair came down to his brow, where George noticed a scar, going from the tip of his left eyebrow, stroking down and to the left toward his cheek bone. As young as he was, the man had age in his eyes, showing he must have had the experiences of a traveler of some sort.

Once more, George cleared his throat, "Well, ask away, as the bartender here in Herayden, I do know quite a bit about this town," he started to sound more at ease.

"I'm searching for someone, I had been hoping you would know of a traveler who may have passed through Herayden, on his way toward the Southern Province. His name is Zash, a sort of... freelance mercenary. He helps out traveling merchants and the like, well known for his abilities with the sword and gun," the man had focus in his eyes, staring straight in to George's eyes, seeking a definite answer.

"Ah, of course, yes, he's very well known around these parts. Last anyone heard from him, he said he had been reading up on something, and was simply heading toward the Archives of Coodrayix down South. The man is something, if I may point out. The people think of him as a celebrity of some sort. Very mysterious, all the same," George began rambling, but became quiet once more when the stranger grunted, "erm, is that all, stranger?" beads of sweat began making George cold and nervous, not sure whether the man could have been an assassin of some sort.

"That's all, I thank you. I'll be on my way," the stranger briskly turned, his grand sword swung, barely missing the table next to him. He carried on toward the door, and rain began pouring out of the sky, no warning granted.

"May I ask what you're intentions are with-" the man cut George off, turning around with a sort of glare in his eyes.

"I have no intention of murdering him, if that's what your question is. I only need to speak with him... Although, I do understand your doubt, with this rag on my head, I must look a bit... Conspicuous," the man pulled the cloak over his head and off his body, tossing it aside top of a nearby barrel. With out the hood, his head was revealed, showing what was messy, unkempt hair.

"Ah, of- of course, I didn't mean to sound so- so rude. By the way stranger, I didn't catch your name?" George was now coated in sweat, not sure if asking his name was such a smart decision.

"My name..." the man stood still for a moment, his head slightly turned back toward the bar, while keeping his eyes on the rain, lost in thought, "my name is... Strife," without another word, he continued on in to the starry yet wet night, and what George had not noticed before, was a dog, with golden fur, followed Strife. The two strolled further and further, out of sight, consumed by the dark.
#3
tl;dr.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#5
This isn't lyrics, or song writing... it's a story I'm writing for people in the pit to view...
#6
I like it a lot. Don't be mad TS if you get ignorant assholes who just will reply with TLDR, because they don't know how to read.
Chris Redfield Of The Resident Evil Club
#7
Doesn't have to be lyrics or song writing man. There is always stories and such in there.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#8
Quote by Bowlingforcerea
I like it a lot. Don't be mad TS if you get ignorant assholes who just will reply with TLDR, because they don't know how to read.

hurrr durrr hurrrr i r to ignrant 2 red lolololololol
#9
Quote by Bowlingforcerea
I like it a lot. Don't be mad TS if you get ignorant assholes who just will reply with TLDR, because they don't know how to read.

Thank you, I'm just confused, this guy above my post told me to redirect to song writing, and well, it's clearly not songwriting or lyrcis... clown

Edit: so, that thread isn't where I think I should put this... It has nothing to do with that forum.
Last edited by CL/\SH at Jul 15, 2009,
#10
Quote by eoieanoifeiojpi
hurrr durrr hurrrr i r to ignrant 2 red lolololololol

Case and point.
Chris Redfield Of The Resident Evil Club
#11
Quote by U-neek
Now that is an epic win right there!!!!


I made an epic win
Jackson RR24M
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#12
Quote by CL/\SH
Thank you, I'm just confused, this guy above my post told me to redirect to song writing, and well, it's clearly not songwriting or lyrcis... clown

Edit: so, that thread isn't where I think I should put this... It has nothing to do with that forum.

Yes it does, creative writing should go in that forum or this thread: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1155684
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#15
I'm reporting this thread.

Good day to you all.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#16
Quote by I.O.T.M
Yes it does, creative writing should go in that forum or this thread: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1155684

I don't care, this thread shouldn't have to be moved, I can post anything I want in the pit, and that's what I've done. This is a thread for a BOOK I am writing, not just a piece. It is a thread alone for THIS book.

Edit: Wow, you ****ing asshole, get a life. Good bye UG
Last edited by CL/\SH at Jul 15, 2009,
#17
Quote by CL/\SH
I don't care, this thread shouldn't have to be moved, I can post anything I want in the pit, and that's what I've done. This is a thread for a BOOK I am writing, not just a piece. It is a thread alone for THIS book.

Cry me a river.
The thread will still be open and you'll get more constructive criticism.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#19
Quote by I.O.T.M
Cry me a river.
The thread will still be open and you'll get more constructive criticism.

I don't need criticism from people who are a bunch of half-wit (I'm not saying you are, but look at some of the other posts) idiots (once again, I wasn't calling you an asshole, I was talking about the jack ass who reported this thread because he has no life) who know nothing about writing. I'll assume you didn't even read this, so don't criticize me unless you have a reason to.
#20
Quote by CL/\SH
I don't need criticism from people who are a bunch of half-wit (I'm not saying you are, but look at some of the other posts) idiots (once again, I wasn't calling you an asshole, I was talking about the jack ass who reported this thread because he has no life) who know nothing about writing. I'll assume you didn't even read this, so don't criticize me unless you have a reason to.

I meant when it gets moved to the S+L forum it will get constructive criticism, most of the people there are very good writers.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#22
Quote by I.O.T.M
I meant when it gets moved to the S+L forum it will get constructive criticism, most of the people there are very good writers.

Yea but what I want is a thread of my own so it is easy to keep track of. Posting a book in a thread mixed up with tons of different pieces isn't going to be easy, I just want one thread for this. I'm writing a book, not looking for ways to get better (not yet) I'm only 16, I just want to work with this idea.
#23
It would still be it's own thread in a different forum.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#24
I read the Prologue and its good. I also like your use of creativity in like 'fantasy' style names.
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#25
Quote by I.O.T.M
It would still be it's own thread in a different forum.

Very well, I see the majority of people posting here are just not in to creative writing. Thanks.
#26
Quote by CL/\SH
Very well, I see the majority of people posting here are just not in to creative writing. Thanks.

That's okay, I'm sorry about the confusion and insults.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#27
I actually thought it was good. The only thing is 'Fred' and 'George' in the first sentence kind of sounds out of place with the rest of the fantasy type names (which are good, it can be hard to make that stuff up). But the story has alot of potential and I would actually be interested in reading more.
#28
That guy just reminded me of Cloud from FF7.
Being named Strife and all.

EDIT: Forgot to add, it was pretty good, I'd like to read the finished product!
Last edited by Matenks at Jul 15, 2009,
#29
Quote by GRiMM94
I actually thought it was good. The only thing is 'Fred" in the first sentence kind of sounds out of place with the rest of the fantasy type names (which are good, it can be hard to make that stuff up). but the story has alot of potential and I would actually be interested in reading more.

Cool, and thank you, I'll keep that in mind. Those two characters disappear after Chapter One, and really those type of names never show up again. I've actually writen alot more, I'm just posting the book in pieces. If you want to keep reading, stick on this thread

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=20748262

Matenks: His description is my inspiration for Strife, his physical features and what not (besides the hair) but his character is different from Clouds
Last edited by CL/\SH at Jul 15, 2009,
#31
Quote by kayaress one
This. The writing quality ain't bad, but it sounds like most of the fantasy novels you can get for six bucks.

Ugh. I am 16, I do not care. Until I evolve as a person and writer, this type of thing appeals to me. Besides, you havn't even read the whole thing (I've written way more) this story ends up dealing with philosophy, morals, betrayal, memory, life, all types of things. Don't judge a book by it's first page, just like you don't judge it by it's cover.
Last edited by CL/\SH at Jul 15, 2009,