#1
Take the next breath like it's your last.
Do you still bother to count the wasted seconds of your past?
Or have you lost track?
Did you run yourself into the ground
Just to waste it all on somebody else?
For every stare. I always looked.
But were you still there when we lost touch?
A disconection of our hearts, a ringing sound
Like the dead end of a telephone.
Did you fade away with your misdemeanors?
Content with marriage to the meaningless?
A desolate okay is all that **** is worth.
You've lost your value because sentiment means **** to me.
Just like I meant **** to how you misspent your time.
Too busy bound to routine with that boyfriend.
The outdated has-been. What he doesn't know don't matter? Alright.
I'm a sucker for the cliched lines so now I just block my ears.
I won't be privy to it anymore of any time.

You've pulled at my final tooth at last.
Extracted every single little one of my white lies.
Now they're left to rot in the hands of obscurity.
All I have left to hold are these pictures without a face, without a trace.
Cut out from my abhorrent memory of you and your parades.
And after the shredding you used the paper remains,
to feed the fire, to fuel the remaining flame in your heart.

Don't mistake the lack of proper nouns
To mark this endeavour to be bereft of personality.
You know who you are.

We've become as useless as another rhyme
I can't think of an excuse to honour our intention's misuse. Darling, can you?
So I'll save you the more cynical of lines
For a non-existant place in non-existant time.
Because I just don't want to put you down again.
You're face of innocence persuades me you're not guilty.
But guilty is what I wish I wanted to plea constantly.

When I hear your voice it short circuits my mind.
In waves through empty space.
In one ear and out the other via the hollow gap within my head.
Just like you were never here. A bad dream. A solence. A rest.
Just another commodity for your temporary pleasure.
I refuse to be expendable to you anymore.
I want everything. I'm not interested in falling short again.
#3
Quote by Adam_Harrison9

Take the next breath like it's your last.
Do you still bother to count the wasted seconds of your past?
Or have you lost track?
Did you run yourself into the ground
Just to waste it all on somebody else?
For every stare. I always looked.
But were you still there when we lost touch?
A disconection of our hearts, a ringing sound
Like the dead end of a telephone.
Did you fade away with your misdemeanors?
Content with marriage to the meaningless?
A desolate okay is all that **** is worth.
You've lost your value because sentiment means **** to me.
Just like I meant **** to how you misspent your time.
Too busy bound to routine with that boyfriend.
The outdated has-been. What he doesn't know don't matter? Alright.
I'm a sucker for the cliched lines so now I just block my ears.
I won't be privy to it anymore of any time.

Love this stanza, really sucked me into the whole story. Judging from the boyfriend reference I'm imagining this is a punk related song? I like it!

You've pulled at my final tooth at last.
Extracted every single little one of my white lies.
Now they're left to rot in the hands of obscurity.
All I have left to hold are these pictures without a face, without a trace.
Cut out from my abhorrent memory of you and your parades.
And after the shredding you used the paper remains,
to feed the fire, to fuel the remaining flame in your heart.

Loved the metaphors used here, really effective. Especially the tooth reference. Very very good imagery

Don't mistake the lack of proper nouns
To mark this endeavour to be bereft of personality.
You know who you are.

I guess this was to be expected, but the first line put me off this stanza, even though the last line brought me back. Try and replace the grammatical reference, otherwise it's a powerful stanza

We've become as useless as another rhyme
I can't think of an excuse to honour our intention's misuse. Darling, can you?
So I'll save you the more cynical of lines
For a non-existant place in non-existant time.
Because I just don't want to put you down again.
You're face of innocence persuades me you're not guilty.
But guilty is what I wish I wanted to plea constantly.

I liked the meaning behind this one, after getting through the first few stanzas, this showed the emotional and deepened side of the persona very nicely. Good job

When I hear your voice it short circuits my mind.
In waves through empty space.
In one ear and out the other via the hollow gap within my head.
Just like you were never here. A bad dream. A solence. A rest.
Just another commodity for your temporary pleasure.
I refuse to be expendable to you anymore.
I want everything. I'm not interested in falling short again.

Loved the short sentences and the demanding words. this stanza's wording really brought out a powerful feel to the persona's interests and what he/she wants. 10/10


Overall this is no doubt a fantastic piece. Great wording, great meanings and great displays of emotion. 9/10 here!

If you will, please check out my new piece here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1165631
C4C! Much appreciated!