#1
This is a song a wrote a while back. I am still not quite sure of the first verse - some of it seems a little 'cliche' for want of a better word. Any comments much appreciated.
My first post on UG!


Stuck inside a resolution
Behind a mirror all the while
I can't see a solution
To the hopes that were and will never be

On the cold mountainside
Stands the tired old maple tree
On the cold mountainside
Sings the white dove in the maple tree

Like sand, you slip between my fingers
And with a gust of wind - you're gone
The birds watch quietly form their borders
'Till the night comes and swallows them whole

On the cold mountainside
Stands the tired old maple tree
On the cold mountainside
Sings the white dove in the maple tree
#2
Stuck inside a resolution
Behind a mirror all the while
I can't see a solution
To the hopes that were and will never be
I don't know about this verse It talks about how your in a resolution then theres no solution when both things are close to the same thing so that doesn't make any sense there. It doesn't seem to flow right when reading and I don't care for the abac rhyme you have, I think you should free-verse it like the others and leave the rhyme in the chorus.

On the cold mountainside
Stands the tired old maple tree
On the cold mountainside
Sings the white dove in the maple tree
I love the chorus you have on here. It leaves a very good image in my mind and it is easy to read.

Like sand, you slip between my fingers
And with a gust of wind - you're gone
The birds watch quietly form their borders
'Till the night comes and swallows them whole
I also like this verse. It again leaves a very good image in my mind.

You should try something about more about what your trying to say in the first verse with the same type of imagery that you have in the other verse. Because your lyrics sound very good except the first verse like you said. Keep on Writting
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#3
Quote by allfunandgames


Stuck inside a resolution
Behind a mirror all the while
I can't see a solution
To the hopes that were and will never be


I'd have to agree with the person above me on this one, doesn't make much sense. Unless that's what you aimed for?


Quote by allfunandgames
On the cold mountainside
Stands the tired old maple tree
On the cold mountainside
Sings the white dove in the maple tree


I like it.


Quote by allfunandgames
Like sand, you slip between my fingers
And with a gust of wind - you're gone


I really love this part

Overall I like it!

Crit mine please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1182562