#1
Thought I posted this a while ago, but guess i didn't. Yay random wikipedia article based songs ^_^ I sort of almost nearly enjoy part of the general thing that is this piece. Comment/Crit, and i'll probably do the same for yours

My mother’s old camera hangs around my neck
Scouring the shapeless sky
Nudging me awake as the wind picks up
Focused on the best spot to lie

Abrasive sun beams silhouette my flaws
Leave nothing alluring for your once-over
At second glance, blurred scenery consumes me
It’s just the nature of exposure

Bloated clouds keep the observant away
And to me, the distance is kind
With a profile that’s dead space at best
My close ups are art for the blind

But when the overcast shadows shower the ground
All life’s shallow masks long since drowned
I’ll welcome each drop to cleanse my sorrow
Make me picture perfect until I wake tomorrow

Abrasive sun beams silhouette my flaws
Leave nothing alluring for your once-over
At second glance, blurred scenery consumes me
It’s just the nature of exposure

But the world runs a mile a minute
Without ever growing weary
Harboring eyes that don’t care
For what they can’t see clearly
The cost of life ever expands, leaving
Simple cloud watchers to suffocate
So I’ll save my breath for the mourning sky
Because I can afford to wait
#3
Excellent, good, and ummmm average all in the same piece.

Each of the stanzas until the first chorus are excellent. They provoked my mind into thinking mode, showed excellent imagery, and in general made you actually sit down and read the rest of the song instead of drawing the reader in with a cliche or not getting the reader into the piece at all.

The chorus is good and solid but does not feature anything too great. It works because it has a nice flow to the words and overall seems catchy enough.

The two stanzas in-between the choruses are well written but in general not as great as the first part. I really do not have any solid advice yet but if I do I'll send it over to you.

The issue, to me, is the final stanza. The writing seems to have gone down hill, it feels a bit rushed compared to the piece, and in general just does not provoke the mind like everything else beforehand.

Revise that stanza, some quick switches in the 2nd verse, and than you've got one hell of a song.

I've got two lyrics up here "Together Through Life" and "The Rough, The" please take a look and crit. if you would like.

Cheers and Thanks!
#4
So I looked at this piece because one of my favorite books is "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and if you've only read the wikipedia article on it, then I'd strongly suggest you read the real thing. It's intense.

But as for the piece itself:

I really enjoyed it and it still worked along the same lines as the book, even if you only inspired by its wiki page. However, I couldn't help but feel a little unsatisfied at the end. I feel like you touched on some important things (like the evils of vanity or the decaying of someone absorbed with their looks) but I don't feel like you drove home one concrete message for me to take away from it. To me at least, it seems like you flirted with some important topics but never really committed yourself to one that you wanted the reader to grasp.

That being said, you obviously have huge talent and you have a way with words. I would just work on creating a theme to your piece that the reader can take away.

This is all just my opinion, however.
here, My Dear, here it is
#5
Selig; Uh, okay then

SyS: Thanks, I'm not used to writing themed pieces so I really appreciate it. I'll definately look over the parts you outlined. And i'll take a look at your writing sometimes

SubwaytoVenus: The funny thing is, I've never heard of the book. Dorian Gray Syndrome was just a redirectory from Gray Syndrome, when I typed it in. I was looking for Gray day syndrome because it was just an ugly day outside, but got that instead. And after reading a bunch of pages it branched out to it reminded me a lot of some of my friends and so I wrote this, trying to make a character out of it more then a song.

I will definately check out that book now :O

The things I tried to touch on where just simple norms and stubborness that I felt the syndrome reflected after my wikiblitz. I really wanted to write about it because I have a hard time ever narrowing my creativity and it had so many avenues to develop. The ending definately isn't the greatest part though.

And Also, like mega-thanks for the compliment :O