#1
Green sailors coast out to white water
Plucked from muddy happenings
And armed with tiny crafts of information

Hopes saturate, sinking deep
And the challenge of this hasty rolling thunder run
Dashes dreams against unseen dangers

Gently relinquishing the duty to fight
The sweeping relentless sea
Leaves no stone unturned, no creature unexamined
And cleanses those with no urge to swim


Comments are very welcome of any kind.
#2
The lyrics suited the name quite perfectly, and gave me some very fun imagery. Does this have instrumental backing?
#4
Quote by Radical Bob
Green sailors coast out to white water
Plucked from muddy happenings
loved this line. and the rest of the stanza too, as a matter of fact. great imagery.
And armed with tiny crafts of information

Hopes saturate, sinking deep
And the challenge of this hasty rolling thunder run
Dashes dreams against unseen dangers
"rolling [...] dreams" kind of confused me. unless it's just me making a meal out of it, it seems to switch tenses.

Gently relinquishing the duty to fight
The sweeping relentless sea
Leaves no stone unturned, no creature unexamined
And cleanses those with no urge to swim
great ending. there's not all that much to say about this, i quite enjoyed it. just a few pointers though: firstly, i wouldn't capitalise the first letter of each line if it's grammatically incorrect; IMO, it only serves to confuse the reader and doesn't do much else. also, i'd try to make a clearer progression - this is almost like a snippet in time, like you've taken a photograph or a freeze frame and describe that. that's fine, but i think even that can have it's own story more clearly defined in the text.


Comments are very welcome of any kind.


I enjoyed this a lot.

If you could take a quick look at:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1162168
I'd appreciate it.