#1
These are the first lyrics I've written so be a little easy on me but still let me know what you really think. This song is a part of an album which is outlined as a whole story in the 18th century. Its like The Decemberists. Listen to the song (doesn't have lyrics yet) http://artists.ultimate-guitar.com/gondoliers/


Verse:
Marooned on an island
With nothing but my loyal crew
This Imposter who stole my life,
Deserted me, whatever shall I do

Chorus:
I will plan my vengeance
For this offence
So this fake will reap
His consequence

Verse:
Fortune rains upon me
As a ship approaches the shore
Such a rare opportunity
That will happen nevermore

Chorus:
I will plan my vengeance
For this offence
So this fake will reap
His consequence

Verse:
Hoist the sails
For all else fails
We would have died in vain
So remember it is us that shall remain

Chorus:
I will plan my vengeance
For this offence
So this fake will reap
His consequence

Verse:
Depart for the mainland
For our home we will return
To the old pub in England
We will sojourn


Apparently you can't do polls for the lyrics forum, which is absurd. Why would UG give the option of even doing polls for the lyric forums? Guess I didn't read the rules as thoroughly as bassbeat77 (cough, cough, tool)
#2
Hah, I love this pirate-esque style you got going on here.

Two pieces of crit:
>So this fake will reap
I just don't know what you mean by 'this fake' but other than that I like the chorus, the rhyme between vengeance and consequence sounds perfect!

>The Third Verse
The rhyme scheme here is different than the rest of the song, so I was thinking maybe turn this into like a bridge or something and have the chords to this part a little different. I listened to your track in your profile but that didn't help much, however I did enojy it .

All in all this piece was very interesting but I liked it!
Signatures are overrated.
Signatures are overrated.
Signatures are overrated.
Signatures are overrated.
#3
in response to your crit: there is a lyric button on the player on my page that shows the lyrics if you cant understand it

in response to lyrics: SO B.A. if you can get the lyrics to fit well with the music it will be awesome! is this being done in GP? it sounds like it
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#4
Thanks for the help. "So this fake will reap" the fake is the imposter I mentioned earlier in the song and that imposter will be explained and characterized later in the album (in the format of a story).

I'll consider making that third verse into a bridge. But must it really have the same same rhyme scheme as the rest of the song? Somebody help me out with this. Please.

I am so glad you guys liked my lyrics and song. I listened to your guys' music and I liked it a lot.
#5


If you have an issue with one of the rules, mention it in the Feedback Thread. Someone will be glad to explain the reasons behind it.


and grow up.