#1
So, I've never really shown anyone lyrics I've done before, as I'm self-conscious of this sort of thing by nature. I feel that I really want criticism though, because I want to perform something live that I had actually written, and this is sort of the first step to me learning to get better at writing lyrics and being comfortable with getting feedback. So feedback completely truthfully, I'm here to learn

I wrote this song with the idea of a smooth moderately paced (120ish) jazzy backing using alot of add9 and 13 chords.
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Food and Wine

All alone in fairytale days
sat a man with eyes as dead as night
And he spend his days without thought
to cut through his haze

Ego fed on strength unseen
on needing no other thing but food
Nothing but Food and Wine

He thought he knew what to do
To be the man he thought he should be
So he packed up his life and he
Put it all on hold

Left all the things he wanted
Left all the things he thought he'd need
He only took Food and Wine

For many years he traveled
Did follow his road
Found that nothing here could help him
Nothing there could fill the hole
But he clung to his life lifeline
Clung to his precious Food and Wine

One day his wine had emptied
He'd eaten all the food he had
Only then did he realize
How much he had had

So he took back his life and home
Found he really did need it all
All except for Food and Wine.
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#2
I liked it, nice moral, wasn't too preachy, it was genuine and unique....
However, it was definitely overly-poetic. The entire piece had this sense that you were trying to impress someone. Fact is, you don't, and this didn't feel natural.
Good first post, way better than mine was. Now u just gotta hone in that talent. I'd suggest forgetting everything you learned in english class. I didn't learn to write worth a damn till I did.
#3
I really liked this, very good story in and of itself (even if it would be a rather short one ha) i would very much like to hear the actual song once you put it all together. good stuff

Crit my songs? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1166006
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#5
Excellent.

I have nothing else to add... I found it perfect to be honest. I really liked it.
build 1, finished 1/15/11

Every time I try to pick it up like falling sand,
As fast as I pick it up,
it runs away through my clutching hands.
There's nothing else I can really do...