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#1
sperm. Alright guys, here's a thread where you can describe where you were almost caught treating yourself to a good time, but not quite. Searchbar'd and the like found nothing about ALMOST getting caught... and here's my contribution.

I'm at my dad's house watching pornographic videos and getting ready to fap. There would be no way to get out of it if he got up and caught me, so I decided to go to the bathroom and finish. I'm as silent as a stealth bomber on a top secret mission to **** up Moscow nuclearly, and just as I shazam, I hear my dad open his door. I quickly take into account my options- 1, stand there, and when he opens the door (no lock, we leave the light on always so he wouldn't have known i was in there) let him see me fumbling trying to clean up the mess i made all over the counter and putting my Johnson away at the same time, or 2- Quickly throw down my pants and undies and rush to sit on the toilet. I chose #2, and he opens the door, sees me sitting there on the toilet, and in a high pitched, raspy voice I say - "Occupado.." and he says 'whoops, sorry' and leaves. Thankfully he didn't see the mess i'd made all over the counter and sink.

Contribute, Pitizens!
#3
it may not hav come up on searchbar but i do remmeber seein a thread like this...maybe it was shut down so yu weren't to know
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#5
You came on the sink? Why not in the toilet?
ಠ_ಠ




Notice how I have not quoted anyone, you could be the first! Make me lol!


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#6
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
It's called the "Have you ever been caught getting your carrot skinned/masturbating" thread

"Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex/getting your carrot skinned by some girl?"
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#7
Quote by Dayman
sperm. Alright guys, here's a thread where you can describe where you were almost caught treating yourself to a good time, but not quite. Searchbar'd and the like found nothing about ALMOST getting caught... and here's my contribution.

I'm at my dad's house watching pornographic videos and getting ready to fap. There would be no way to get out of it if he got up and caught me, so I decided to go to the bathroom and finish. I'm as silent as a stealth bomber on a top secret mission to **** up Moscow nuclearly, and just as I shazam, I hear my dad open his door. I quickly take into account my options- 1, stand there, and when he opens the door (no lock, we leave the light on always so he wouldn't have known i was in there) let him see me fumbling trying to clean up the mess i made all over the counter and putting my Johnson away at the same time, or 2- Quickly throw down my pants and undies and rush to sit on the toilet. I chose #2, and he opens the door, sees me sitting there on the toilet, and in a high pitched, raspy voice I say - "Occupado.." and he says 'whoops, sorry' and leaves. Thankfully he didn't see the mess i'd made all over the counter and sink.

Contribute, Pitizens!


wat


lrn2toiletpaper
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#9
Quote by PlayMadness
"Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex/getting your carrot skinned by some girl?"


Ah!

Thank you
#12
Quote by magnus_maximus
You're whackin' one off in the toilet and you jizz on the counter?

I hope you never get a driving license.


#13
Quote by PlayMadness
"Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex/getting your carrot skinned by some girl?"

got closed.. I'm pretty sure it did anyway..
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#14
You cum on your sink and counter? God, why would you do that?

edit: Also, If you're in there whacking it, why would you not lock the door?
Last edited by pantera456 at Jul 20, 2009,
#16
On the sink?
=/
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I hope he gets a blood disease and dies alone and screaming.


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#19
when you heard him opening his door did it not occur to you to just subtly cough or rattle the toilet paper to let him know you're in there?
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I think you need to stop caring what people think about it. I stayed home all day today and masturbated like 5 times. Fucking blast.

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#20
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
It's called the "Have you ever been caught getting your carrot skinned/masturbating" thread


God, that thread is ancient.
Veteran UGer. Suck it.
#21
Quote by ScottB.
when you heard him opening his door did it not occur to you to just subtly cough or rattle the toilet paper to let him know you're in there?


His door and the bathroom door are literally right next to each other.
#22
Just to make TS happy:

The one time I masturbate WITH porn, I almost got caught.

I sit in the toilet, got my porn on my I touch. Realizing the toilet is very uncomfortable, I sit down on the floor. I start fapping and my sister knocks on the door and pulls on the handle (you have to know, our bathroom door is like a window but the glass is very blurred so you can't see what's going on, you can only see shadows). The door was locked bt my heart skipped a beat, she then tod me to come out, I quickly turn off the Ipod and flush the toilet.

When I go out, my sister (who is 11) says:" I know you weren't on the toilet", scared as **** I asked her what she thought I was doing but she didn't reply so I just ended up saying that I was eating chocolate secretly (my mum doesn' let me eat loads of food in front of my sister cause she is on a diet and it's not fair).


Another time:

I'm fapping in bed when all of sudden my dog jumps up on the bed, I push him off the bed and continue when all of a sudden, my dad opens the door, luckily my god-like dog jumped u on the bed the moment the door opened, so (in the dark and all) my dad saw nothing and I told him the dog kept jumping on the bed.
#23
Quote by afromonkeyR0X
You came on the sink? Why not in the toilet?


If you cum on a toilet and you get some on the seat there might be trace amounts left to make your sister, your mom, or even your dad pregnant
#24
Whenever I run out of tissues, I get worried that I'll be caught hopping through the hallway with my pants around my knees, a dying erection, and a fist full of semen.
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
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#26
Quote by Max-Roach
If you cum on a toilet and you get some on the seat there might be trace amounts left to make your sister, your mom, or even your dad pregnant


made my day
#27
Quote by Max-Roach
If you cum on a toilet and you get some on the seat there might be trace amounts left to make your sister, your mom, or even your dad pregnant


I did indeed take this into account, the last thing I want is a baby brother who will have to be potty trained, then he'll likely become pregnant, and the cycle will just keep repeating.....
#28
I have a lock - no problems there then. I hate it when I watch teh naughty vids and someone's in the corridor as I have to turn down the sound. And I've never wacked it in the bathroom so to speak. I've done it in the shower. Not great as we don't have anywhere to sit afterwards apart from the toilet
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#31
Quote by vulgarmachine
I have a lock - no problems there then. I hate it when I watch teh naughty vids and someone's in the corridor as I have to turn down the sound. And I've never wacked it in the bathroom so to speak. I've done it in the shower. Not great as we don't have anywhere to sit afterwards apart from the toilet


I too am familiar with the post-fap sit-down.
Quote by abstract pie
Ahh the pit. Where conversations of Pokemon Cards can turn into ones of wizard homosexuality



You are everything I want...
...'Cause you are...

...Everything I'm not.

Atheism. Is. Not. A. Religion.
Today's saints were yesterday's sellouts
#32
Why didn't you just proclaim loudly, in a thunderous voice; "**** off dad, I'm having a wank!"
There's a special sex move I do called the Charizard.
It's where you light the girls pubes, then put it out with your cum and run around the room flapping your arms screaming, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
#34
Quote by King Twili
Why didn't you just proclaim loudly, in a thunderous voice; "**** off dad, I'm having a wank!"


You'll feel like a Viking God!
Quote by abstract pie
Ahh the pit. Where conversations of Pokemon Cards can turn into ones of wizard homosexuality



You are everything I want...
...'Cause you are...

...Everything I'm not.

Atheism. Is. Not. A. Religion.
Today's saints were yesterday's sellouts
#36
You'll feel like a Viking God!


He'll be like a viking god strangling a peasant!
There's a special sex move I do called the Charizard.
It's where you light the girls pubes, then put it out with your cum and run around the room flapping your arms screaming, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
#37
Quote by King Twili
He'll be like a viking god strangling a peasant!

Like a viking god strangling a peasant with one hand while masturbating with the other!

To be honest, I don't know how the TS could sink so low...
🙈 🙉 🙊
Last edited by entity0009 at Jul 20, 2009,
#38
Quote by ccam555
I just decided not to. It's called self-control.



it's called being gay
#39
Quote by afromonkeyR0X
You came on the sink? Why not in the toilet?


Im thinking about sigging :P
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& Bong Rips
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