sfaune92
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Join date: Oct 2008
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#1
I wrote this instrumental based on some licks i made up. As you see, I'm a bassist mostly, so I'm not good soloing. Please give crit or advices. C4C y'kno

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Last edited by sfaune92 at Jul 23, 2009,
Reedd
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#2
The main lick was really the only thing I liked, you used the Van Halen pattern ofc and it didn't sound to well, and I think you should change the acoustic stuff so it's not only minor chords, because I didn't like it either.

And that thrill in the beginning between A and B didn't fit.

But that's just me.
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sfaune92
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#4
Quote by Reedd
The main lick was really the only thing I liked, you used the Van Halen pattern ofc and it didn't sound to well, and I think you should change the acoustic stuff so it's not only minor chords, because I didn't like it either.

And that thrill in the beginning between A and B didn't fit.

But that's just me.


Trying to change that "thrill" now... make it a little faster maybe, change the notes etc.
The tapping solo you mean by VH pattern?, yeah, gonna fix that one a little.
Acoustic (clean electric) was a little hard to make into major, gonna look at other chords and try to fix that too.

Quote by Dashbash
Would be much better with good timing


What do you mean by good timing? that was the closest i got the what i played on my bro's guitar.
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Kade2910
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#5
I pretty much agree with everything Reedd has said, having all minor chords in that progression didn't work too well.

But the main lick had a nice feel to it. It was pretty short, so there's not much else that can be said. Keep it up =)
sfaune92
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Join date: Oct 2008
616 IQ
#6
Did some major fixes here and there

Changed chords from G#m - F#m - Em - A#m to G#m - F# - E - A#9
Changed tapping solo
Changed the "thrill" a little

And everyone, thanks for crit, going to crit your stuff if you have any

edit:
Updated bassline and guitar solo (from just tapping to a more melodic solo)

edit 2:
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Last edited by sfaune92 at Jul 23, 2009,
actaderock
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Join date: Apr 2008
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#7
The intro is EPIC
there are some parts that remind me of What Ive Done by Linkin Park, but I think only me will notice it.
If you hear it all the way through it might get boring.

7/10

but some vocals might fix that

EDIT: maybe to a 9/10 or 9.5/10

and remember, C4C
sfaune92
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Join date: Oct 2008
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#8
^^ Thank for the crit

Newest version:
- Additional bass updates
- Guitar Solos + Leads update

edit:
New version.
Updated bass break

EDIT:
NEW VERSION A FEW POSTS DOWN !!!
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Last edited by sfaune92 at Jul 27, 2009,
jimmyled
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Join date: Apr 2008
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#9
Awesome intro! The lead sounds a little annoying in the GP, but is pretty cool. Reminds me of another song though, don't remember which. In your solos, you shouldn't just go all linear scale though. The bass break was awesome. The second lead was really nice. But, as I said, don't use so much linear scales. Outro was really nice.
My songs are in my sig, C4C?
aceral1715
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Join date: Mar 2007
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#10
Really nice. The strings really held the whole song together and the main riff was really good. It definately got into my head after a while, so that's good. The only suggestion I really have for you would be to use a bit of vibrato around your song. It kind of helps bring out more emotion and feel within the song instead of leaving the guitar sounding like a machine's playing it (even though a computer is playing it)

8/10
sfaune92
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#12
Quote by aceral1715
Really nice. The strings really held the whole song together and the main riff was really good. It definately got into my head after a while, so that's good. The only suggestion I really have for you would be to use a bit of vibrato around your song. It kind of helps bring out more emotion and feel within the song instead of leaving the guitar sounding like a machine's playing it (even though a computer is playing it)

8/10


Yeah, i know, as you see the "bass solo" already has a lot of it hehe.
Thanks for the crit too
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Z3r0747
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Join date: Jul 2009
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#13
That was awesome, everything flowed nicely and I enjoyed that bass solo . Not much to complain about. Do you plan to add vocals? It sounds excellent the way it is already but a few vocals could fit in some places.

9/10
sfaune92
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Join date: Oct 2008
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#14
Quote by Z3r0747
That was awesome, everything flowed nicely and I enjoyed that bass solo . Not much to complain about. Do you plan to add vocals? It sounds excellent the way it is already but a few vocals could fit in some places.

9/10


If i had a voice made for singing, then i'd do it.
But i don't

thanks for cit btw
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icronic
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#15
Thanks for the crit.

I liked the intro. You had a really nice melody going there. However, you should really think about adding a little more in the way of vibrato, slides/grace note slides, and bends in. It's a very melodic line that's being played in a very straightforwards manner, so it kind of lessens the impact that the melody has.

Bar 23 and 27 the second guitar is playing Em when it should be playing Emaj. Bars 28 and 24 the second guitar is playing A#m with a perfect 5th instead of a flatted 5th. In other words, the F note in that chord needs to drop to E.

The break that started at bar 30, while not bad, didn't really feel like it added anything to the song. If would be more effective if you changed the chord progression or used it to bring in a new idea or something.

The bass when it came in was really well done.

I liked that you amped the drums up when you brought them back in.

The mini solo was also quite good, but it ended a little too quickly. Honestly that tapping lick felt like it wanted to move upwards to me. Up to a big bend on the 15th fret or the 18th fret or something. You could even do something like move the entire melody up an octave.

Synth could have also been a little louder.

Still, it's a really nice song, just fix those chords up
sfaune92
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Join date: Oct 2008
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#16
Thanks, that sounds like an good idea...
And here's a version with some more vibrato and a few other changes
also fixed the chords
Attachments:
749.gp5
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Last edited by sfaune92 at Jul 30, 2009,
Slaytanic1993
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#17
To begin with, no I'm not the bassist, I'm actually the lead guitarist I just like to write interesting basslines

Okay, onto your song. Okay I'm digging the intro. Very somber, a little doomy even. Seriously, this sounds like an Ahab or Katatonia song, just tuned up. I like how the bass solo actually fits and doesn't interrupt the flow of the song at all.

Then the main lead bit comes back in, and I'm always expecting it to resolve differently (generically, though) and it always surprises me for some reason. The only issue I have is the keyboard track. Maybe make it a harmonized chord, for a little pizzaz. But, really, it's great as it is...has a very doomy but morose feeling.

9/10.
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