#1
This is my first song

Decline

Intro/verse
Communists they fight for what is their’s
Liberalists as if they really care
Social activists are socially inept
Lets join hands and blame the government

Chorus
The world in decline
Our planets out of touch
The bombs are falling down
Our countries rising up

Save your souls
Don’t vote in polls
Subscribe to this
What will we miss?

Verse 2
Unemployment is on a steady high
Redundancy is more common than pay rise
The BNP they want us all thrown out
Set fire to there chair cause nobody will care

Chorus
The world in decline
Our planets out of touch
The bombs are falling down
Our countries rising up

Save your souls
Don’t vote in polls
Subscribe to this
What will we miss?

Instrumental Verse/Solo

Chorus
The world in decline
Our planets out of touch
The bombs are falling down
Our countries rising up

Outro
Save your souls
Don’t vote in polls
Subscribe to this
What will we miss?
But this.
Last edited by punkiejunkie at Jul 21, 2009,
#2
its pretty good, but some of the meter is off. im no poet, but the meter IS offa bit. it get skinda repetative towards the end but i kjnow how that is... dont have enough for a song so i jusst repeat it..

oh and it should be their not there

but overall, good job! my first wasnt this good.. i think it was about the moon... weird....
either way its bad - i dont know animals
#3
Alright, I'm going to try and be as nice as possible, consider you say this is your first song.

First off, DO NOT write about politics, unless you have an extremely strong grasp on your subject matter. There is very little, if any depth here, aside from a few blanket statements that don't really make sense. I'm not even sure what you're advocating here, aside from apathy towards voting. The complexities of a political critique are not going to conveyed in two verses and a chorus. If you really want to write socially aware lyrics, please do some research, and at least make your statements focused. All I get here is a bunch of varying accusations thrown together, forced to rhyme.

This brings my second point, which is, try not to force rhyming. I get its a song, but the ABAB rhyme scheme is very boring, unless you've got a very imaginative way of implementing it. Next time you write, try just writing, not stopping to think of whether there is a way to rhyme this line with the next. The best kind of rhymes in lyrics/poetry are completely natural, and should just fly out of your head without a second thought (at least, in my opinion).

Like I said above, I'm trying to not sound too harsh, but considering this is your first piece, I want to try and point out things that can become bad habits if they go unchecked. I hope you think about what I've said, and most of all, keep writing. It's the only way to get better.