#1
I am not really good at writing lyrics but I'll give it a try Let me know what you think.

From pub to pub
From garages to a band
Music fills the air
Music flows from the hand

Everything comes out natural
Everything it comes out right
This band, it keeps on playing
This band, it plays with all it's might

Like the wind in a sail
Music fills every need
Like a toy for every child
It comes with a little greed

Around the world music flows
Through every house it plays out loud
Like a sunny day
Like a day without a cloud

Muic goes from here to there
Music flows from ear to ear
This band, it keeps on playing
This band, it plays with all its might
#2
From pub to pub
From garages to a band
Music fills the air
Music flows from the hand
The second line has a slight trip up of the flow. A suggestion to fix the flow would be getting rid of the article 'a' and changing 'band' to 'bands'. But, that would cause another problem because the plural just sounds a bit odd. Same goes with 'garages' being plural and that should be changed as well. The next two lines, you follow fills nicely with flows.

Everything comes out natural
Everything it comes out right
This band, it keeps on playing
This band, it plays with all it's might
In red are the words/punctuation I would remove. The first 'it' being taken out makes the line more smooth. In addition, taking out prevents you from repeating 'it' multiple times. Commas are used to represent a pause or a break in poetry/lyrics. If you were to pause or breath in at those two spots, it would just be awkward. The last 'it' should be taken out for the same reason.

Like the wind in a sail
Music fills every need
Like a toy for every child
It comes with a little greed
Finally, a few good descriptions. But, instead of using similies, you could have said 'music IS the wind in a sail'. Metaphors sound better in my opinion. Still, best stanza. Hands down.

Around the world music flows
Through every house it plays out loud
Like a sunny day
Like a day without a cloud
For the record, I could eaisly dissagree with this. Instead, say 'Our Music" something that I couldn't shoot down so fast. Also, you began by talking about pubs and now you're comparing this to sunny days. It doesn't exactly relate.

Music goes from here to there
Music flows from ear to ear
This band, it keeps on playing
This band, it plays with all its might
Your rhyme scheme changes at the last stanza. The punctuation/it thing can be applied here as well.

A couple points I have after reading this.

In the future, try to use a little more varriatioin. You start with the same words quite frequently (ie. "this/this", "music/music", "like/like", and so on). Same goes with the words in the lines.

You need to punctuate correctly if you're going to puntuate at all. Use your commas where you want to have the reader pause or breath. They should pause the thought as well a bit. You'll probably be using them mostly at the end of lines and ends of stanzas.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#4
From pub to pub
Sidewalks and busy streets,
Music fills the air
It never goes of beat.

Everything comes out natural
Everything comes out right,
This band keeps on playing
It plays with all it's might!

Like the wind in the sail
Music fill every need,
Like a toy for every child
Comes with a little greed.

Our music flows through those
Sidewalks and busy streets,
It sails through open waters
For everyone in need.

Everything comes out natural
Everything comes out right,
This band keeps on playing
It plays with all it's might!


I have made a few changes that are posted in red and now I would like for you to critique this piece of work if you don't mind of course.
Last edited by 24WildRovers at Oct 19, 2009,