#1
Perhaps it’s all the perfect rhymns
Or maybe rhythm keeping time,
Exploring secrets of our lives,
Making the poem perceptive eyes.


Dunno, tell me what you think.
Last edited by re-chorder at Jul 21, 2009,
#2
Nice!
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
#3
I rather dislike the title.
Imho, "What makes a poem good?" would have been a bit better.
Or something that alluded to being hidden in plain sight.

The colour thing is too obvious, for my tastes.
Consider making it more suBtle by using a different font or italics instead of a different colour.


These are rarely works of high art, but are often cute and lots of fun.
This was no exception.
Meadows
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#4
I agree with SYK's comments...I wouldn't make the acrostic so obvious. I like the fact that you used iambs to provide structure. It works really well in the first three lines, but the fourth line seems a bit forced. Because the poem is short, you want to make sure you nail every line. I'm not convinced you have the best possible finish, but I also don't have any ideas of where to go with it. Overall, a nice little piece.

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Partscaster/Tele into a bunch of pedals, a Maz 18 head, and a Z Best cab.
#5
Thanx.
I changed it to italics.
I didn't mean it to be a peice of high art, just an experiment.
#6
I agree with the change to italics..good move. And it really doesn't matter if it's not a piece of "high art." It's art and it's expressive so that's really all that matters.
#7
So as long as we express ourselves it's art? Or the two seperate?
Just wondering.
#8
My personal view of art is that the main point of art is that it's expressive whether it be a long soliloquy of rhyming words and verse or whether it be short and too the point. Still the simple act of creating the art makes it expressive therefore making it art. imho.
#9
I think art is one of those words that's just impossible to define. (like the word ironic)
#13
Perhaps it’s all the perfect rhymns
Or maybe rhythm keeping time,
Exploring secrets of our lives,
Making the poem clever and wise.

try that
Last edited by canvasDude at Jul 21, 2009,