#1
the soft damp earth
and decaying
leaves,
the molecules
of my brain
like soap bubbles
connected by
strings of light

the flow
of the forest,
like the gentle breeze
sweeping clean
my soul
of all the ashes
of the days
gone past

and as the torn
fabric of my
very being
is stitched
back together,
I know that
one day
its threads
will unwind,
and its fibers
deteriorate

and so my
atoms shall
rearrange themselves,
so that I should
live on
as wind
or earth
or perhaps...

you

for you may
be in a distant time;
or perhaps if
I am lucky,
our atoms may
intertwine at
this very moment


in a supernova of serotonin
Last edited by canvasDude at Jul 22, 2009,
#2
i like it.

whats the music sound like?
lol
Quote by deadringer13
xjosheex, you have made a simple answer to it all haha


Quote by Pr0gNut
I hope he gets a blood disease and dies alone and screaming.


I mean that in the nicest way possible of course.
#3
i like a supernova of seratonin

but if you must use physics terms please spell them right - it's tachyon. Also to anyone who has ever done physics the title is totally meaningless - a quark board... what now?
The only 6 words that can make you a better guitarist:

Learn theory
Practice better
Practice more
#4
Quote by doive
i like a supernova of seratonin

but if you must use physics terms please spell them right - it's tachyon. Also to anyone who has ever done physics the title is totally meaningless - a quark board... what now?


Sorry, I know how to spell it though. It's a pun, like tack-ons on a cork board (which is why a misspelled it, lol). It makes sense in context, considering it contains so many metaphors about particle physics. Also, tack-ons on a cork board represents tacking on thoughts as they come to you. Since I write in stream of consciousness it makes sense. Thanks for the correction though, I might not have caught the typo otherwise.

[quote="'xjosheex :['"]i like it.

whats the music sound like?
lol

Thanks, there is no music. For the moment it is simply poetry (as with my other works). But it will be a song someday.
Last edited by canvasDude at Jul 22, 2009,
#5
well,
write some music to that sumbuck.
Quote by deadringer13
xjosheex, you have made a simple answer to it all haha


Quote by Pr0gNut
I hope he gets a blood disease and dies alone and screaming.


I mean that in the nicest way possible of course.
#6
I like the last line, but until the last verse, it kinda rambles and doesn't seem to have a point. The last verse ties it together but there still is something lacking.
Maybe I just didn't connect with this one, but I liked you other peices.
#7
Quote by re-chorder
I like the last line, but until the last verse, it kinda rambles and doesn't seem to have a point. The last verse ties it together but there still is something lacking.
Maybe I just didn't connect with this one, but I liked you other peices.


I see your point. The other stanzas are just as important though, they set it up for the last one. It's about walking in the woods to get away from everything, but the thought of the person you who you have an infatuation for creeps back into your mind while you think about life and the universe.

[quote="'xjosheex :['"]well,
write some music to that sumbuck.

I will, but I'm not sure what it shall sound like.
Last edited by canvasDude at Jul 22, 2009,
#8
You're still struggling with punctuation, just a bit. It was nice to see a semi-colon, but there should've been at least one more. When you read this aloud, don't read it how you know it should be said, read it like it's written. You'll notice there are places here where their should be pauses and shifted emphasis that just isn't marked by the correct punctuation. Now, content. Impressive, as always. You've seeed to consistently write quite original content, and the way you present it is well thought out and you're certainly starting to develop your own style. However, just be careful you don't try too mcuh to sound poetic, if you know what I mean. Don't go so far into metaphor that the real meaning is lost. Enjoyed this piece, keep writing
#9
Hi canvasDude

Please read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum.
Pay particular attention to the section on posting limits.
No more than one piece in a 24hr period.
No more than two pieces in any 6 day period.

You posted Nuclear Sunset on the 19th and Springs since then.
The soonest you would have been able to legally start this thread would have been on the 25th.

Please wait the appropriate time specified in the rules regarding over the limit posting, before starting your next thread. If you need clarification on that, PM a Mod for this forum.


Thanks


*reported*


...
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.