#1
So this is the first song that I have submitted. Wrote it on my accoustic guitar and would be keen for any feedback.. Thanks
____

And I’m waiting here for you
In this world so cold and blue
I’ve been waiting here for hours
Trying to figure out what to do
And the words I’d heard you say
Have now vanished in the wind
There's nothing left for no one
Nobody’s coming here to win

But I’m waiting
I’m waiting for your kiss
I’m waiting for your touch
I’m waiting for your lips
And I’m waiting
To bring you back to me
To bring you back home
To the place we ought to be
Don’t keep me waiting

And the streets I used to own
The ones I now walk alone
I’ve been walking them for hours
Grinding my soul down to the bone
And every song on the radio
Is in the same sad minor key
Making me think of a time
And a place I want to be

But I’m waiting
I’m waiting for your kiss
I’m waiting for your touch
I’m waiting for your lips
And I’m waiting
To bring you back to me
To bring you back home
To the place we ought to be
Don’t keep me waiting,

When I met you on that night
There was nothing I could do
The light shining in your blue eyes
It was pulling from me to you
And where it all went wrong
I really just don’t know
You can say it’s all my fault Izzy
I’ve got nowhere left to go

But I’m still waiting
I’m still waiting for your kiss
I’m still waiting for your touch
I’m still waiting for your lips
And I’m still waiting
To bring you back to me
To bring you back home
To the place we ought to be
Don’t keep me waiting, hmmm, don’t keep me waiting
#3
There are some really good lines and some nice hooks in this.

'And every song on the radio
Is in the same sad minor key'

this is a nice line, and it rhymes well, and it's an original idea.

'There's nothing left for no one
Nobody’s coming here to win'

And this bit's quite nice too.

But there's a whole lot of pointless lines that aren't really saying anything, i know since it's a song that's just gonna happen, hell i do it, but when you're whole songs made up of them it's a bit silly. Every line seems to be saying almost the same thing and it just gets a bit boring to be honest. Also you repeat the idea that you're 'Waiting' way to much. Good songwriters Show, rather than tell, you shouldn't need this repetition across the whole song to get the point across. Try putting in something quircky which shows you're waiting without saying it.
I think if you re-do the chorus keeping that in mind it'll improve it a lot, 'cause the repetition in the chorus is letting you down, mainly of the word waiting, over, and over and over...

could be good though, keep at it.
Ru.
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Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!
#4
Hi Guys,
Thanks for the feedback, I really appreaciate it. This is the first song I have posted and one of only a few that I have written so really pleased that there's some positive even if there is a few things to work on
Cheers