#1
House of Redemption


By the red tree, near the cliff on the bay
Lies an old house that weeps everyday.
Rotted and grey, damp and distort;
It crumbles to dust, like an overgrown corpse.

Very late one of these days, or perhaps night,
A dog trotted along by the road winding right.
She stopped at the cliff, and looked down as if
The top of the world was hers for the sight.

By the dead house, needled with limbs, was the tree
The dog gazed and barked once, twice, maybe three
And she suddenly knew, after all,
The leaf on the highest branch has the longest way to fall.

Inside the old house, among the dead air
Each speck of dust played a fanfare.
Because you see, from what we once dreamed
The book in the cover was not what it seemed.

This is the House of Redemption.
Up the stairs and down the walls
The sound of laughter swept the halls
And the dog crept by, never knowing
that the ghosts of old had memories finally showing.

As dawn rose, the ghosts of the past
Went back to eternity where they will last.

Outside at the cliff, under soft golden sky,
The red tree sighed, doubled over, and died.
As it did, a tear fell from its side
The dog caught it, looked up and cried.
Last edited by Dintino at Jul 23, 2009,
#2
the poetic plague sweeps over us all
no feelings included with tales too tall
diction is lost amongst all the black
the pipers and shepherds all cry for its lack
with proximity gained, all hope is lost
this naive point of view
starts a new holocaust

i did not like your poem.

lol pigs (three different ones) is my favorite song! pink floyd is good stuff
Last edited by Gods chariot at Jul 22, 2009,
#3
Quote by Gods chariot
the poetic plague sweeps over us all
no feelings included with tales too tall
diction is lost amongst all the black
the pipers and shepherds all cry for its lack
with proximity gained, all hope is lost
this naive point of view
starts a new holocaust

i did not like your poem.


For some reason your post reminds me of a pink floyd album.

I LOVE pink floyd!
#4
Hey man not to beat a dead horse, but can you tell me ways I can improve this?
#5
Quote by Dintino
Hey man not to beat a dead horse, but can you tell me ways I can improve this?


i think you just need to practice a lot more. work on your imagery. it just seems kind of unrefined. nothing that the reader can grab onto.
#6
^ Wow sorry was gone for a long time, I wrote a revision. thank you.