#1
Off the beaten path, I sleep
Waiting for curious children to run along
And trod upon my sullen vines.

Vines that are left untended
To hide under the trail.

And every once in a short while
A child will trip on these vines
And sob, and sob, to their father

And their father cuts the vine
Kills it.
Leaves it.

Though its journey is not yet through.
From it, a brother plant comes anew.
Fresh with ideas
Hopes
Dreams

And yet this too will be cut.
Killed.
Left.

Thus these vines,
All the same
Remain apart.
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I stick stuff in my pee hole.

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Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
#2
Quote by Wulphy
Off the beaten path, I sleep
Waiting for curious children to run along
And trod upon my sullen vines. - Trod seems a bit formal to be used in the same stanza as the previous two lines. I guess there's no other good way you could say it...if you think of one, change it.

Vines that are left untended
To hide under the trail. - The fact that they are left untended seems a bit obvious. If they were tended to, children wouldn't be walking all over them.

And every once in a short while
A child will trip on these vines
And sob, and sob, to their father - Sobbing to someone just doesn't sound right. I have never heard of sobbing to someone. It seems like something you do quietly by yourself.

And their father cuts the vine - Weren't they supposed to be your vines? If you break your hand, you wouldn't say "I broke the hand". Same thing goes in the previous stanza.
Kills it.
Leaves it.

Though its journey is not yet through. - What journey? Why is this starting this stanza? It seems as if theres nothing explaining this.
From it, a brother plant comes anew. - I think you need to elaborate on the idea that you are a plant, too. You imply it in the beginning, and then you just forget about it until you come back and smack me in the face with it here.
Fresh with ideas
Hopes
Dreams

And yet this too will be cut. - Cut seems like such a bland, boring word. Same goes when you used it before. I would find a different word.
Killed.
Left.

Thus these vines,
All the same
Remain apart. - Being killed makes them grow apart? It just makes them dead..



I enjoyed this on the first read. It wasn't until I read it a couple more times that I caught some of the things wrong with it, because I was so into it the first time I read it. I think you need to elaborate on the idea that you are a plant. Because you only slightly imply it, and then you say it a bit later. But that seems like the basis of the piece. Overall, it was interesting.




If you could take a look at the piece in my sig, that would be awesome.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black