#1


a flat over the bike shop with my baby
we were making it
we were winning it
had people over
almost every night
drinking my beer
but i didn't care that much.
the conversation lit us up
like fireworks
and we reinvented ourselves
twelve times a second
to keep them
second guessing
her hand in mine
and all the pretty girls came and
left
sad
(they could never get me on my own)
and they would only be
playthings anyway.
I thought back to the girls before and
they were a blur
a sweet memory of
manipulation and betrayal
and things that other men
applaud
but really are hateful and
shouldn't have been done at all.

I've got a good wine now and
it's late
i'm going to bed with
a beautiful troublesome angel.
to heaven.





love is a dog from hell.



#2
wow this hit home.
like, really.

when it's good, it's soo good.
a person that's never been in love would have a hard time relating to this.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#4
I'm going to have to come back and read this at a later stage. This hurt far too much. You are a truely talented person.
#5
you very much deserve any commendation you receive

and they would only be
playthings anyway.
I thought back to the girls before and
they were a blur
a sweet memory of
manipulation and betrayal
and things that other men
applaud
but really are hateful and
shouldn't have been done at all.

I've got a good wine now and
it's late
i'm going to bed with
a beautiful troublesome angel.
to heaven.


wow and wowzer
#7
i wish i had all that.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#8
I don't often crit on your pieces, but I think you're one of my favourite writers on here.
#9
I'm going to need to step up my mother****ing game if I'm going to be mentioned in the same breath as you a year from now. Your growth as a poet is astounding and your control of punctuation and form is way more mature than almost any other 20 year old I have workshopped, which is quite a few. you make every line break count. this was a joy to read.

Don't stop posting here, you're good additional motivation

hope alls well with you Chris and thank you very much for the shout out in your WOTM questionnaire.
#10
As good as this piece is, I believe that there were better things written this week; especially by some of the newer writers. I would have thought that they should be the ones to have the recognition of WotW.
#12
No disrespect to Chris, but this wasn't wow-worthy. I just don't see what's so spectacular about this- I wouldn't even rank this anywhere near Chris' best. To some this may seem effortless because they too try to incorparate this kind of style; it seems that pretty much all the regulars of UG try to write about things that are relatable, such as alcohol, girls, sex etc. rather than actually caring much about technique. Yes Chris did do a beautiful job on his line-breaks, which I believe was probably his highlight here, but that was it. It is too bloody monotonous. A true writer should be appreciated more than just writing about these so called relatable subjects, because that only cheapens things. I'm probably going to be accused of blasphemy for writing this, but whatever.

Playing politics for the win, I guess.
#13
Quote by Bleed Away
No disrespect to Chris, but this wasn't wow-worthy. I just don't see what's so spectacular about this- I wouldn't even rank this anywhere near Chris' best. To some this may seem effortless because they too try to incorparate this kind of style; it seems that pretty much all the regulars of UG try to write about things that are relatable, such as alcohol, girls, sex etc. rather than actually caring much about technique. Yes Chris did do a beautiful job on his line-breaks, which I believe was probably his highlight here, but that was it. It is too bloody monotonous. A true writer should be appreciated more than just writing about these so called relatable subjects, because that only cheapens things. I'm probably going to be accused of blasphemy for writing this, but whatever.

Playing politics for the win, I guess.



Politics? I never asked for this. With all due respect though, you've completely missed the point - my guess would be that to most people on here the feeling of being able to relate to a piece like this overwhelms the need for technical brilliance. But even so, you're wrong to assume that because a composition is simple and easy to relate to it has less technical merit. If I can breathe a few lines that tug heart strings so much harder than a more technically involved script then I will because to me that's the best way to involve a wider audience.




love is a dog from hell.



#14
The playing politics was not a reference to you Chris, I was referring to it as a trend that most of the regulars in UG (S&L) have decided to take serious interest to. I mean honestly, most of the comments I read from a piece by a regular that relates with the three main topics that I mentioned earlier in my previous post. Most of the comments consist of phrases such as, "Oh this was so amazing I totally could relate to this man"; or sometimes, a simple heart-icon. I mean, not more than a week ago quite a few regulars were complaining about the state of S&L, and how we keep segregating ourselves in our own little groups and how were are not really contributing to much past that. In terms of you as writer, I don't see this as an improvement to what you have been writing for the past 4 months now. On less I'm wrong about the whole concept of WotW, but I believe that this week's WotW should have been invested more, if you know what I mean. There are so many new writers that I believe should be here instead, such as Vintage X Metal and SubwaytoVenus (to name a few). This is no way disrespect to you, Chris, you have always been one of my favourite writers, but this didn't strike me as nothing more than it being very accessible to the regular readers of S&L.

Also, I do agree with your statement about, if it can be said simply, it doesn't need to be technically brilliant. In terms of your entire catalogue, I think that your pieces have always been an excellent example to that statement; but this didn't really do much for me. But then again, that’s probably my fault; like Kent said, I probably need to fall in love to properly relate to this

With that said, congratulations man.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Jul 27, 2009,
#15
Only line break I hated was the very last one before "to heaven." Thought that was clumsy.

Other than that, I have to agree with fred to an extent... it was relatable and on that front, you are the king, but as far as wowing me... it just didn't.

I guess, to me, you are in a state that Randy was in for a while. Seems like every piece comes out so similar to the last... even if the topic is different, it reads so similar to me. And that's not against you; people would kill for that sort of consistency, because your pieces are always excellent... but to my brain, it grinds. It becomes monotonous.

Obviously you've pulled a lot of emotion out of others; so my opinion shouldn't hold a lot of weight... as if you can solicit emotion you've done your job with a piece; I just didn't feel this one.