#1
I was not very happy when I came up with this one haha

(verse)
I can see
right through you
right through to your soul
empty core
dead inside
absorbed by your own
(pause)
significance!!!

(pre-chorus)
if you said what you meant
and you meant what you said
then I would be
living through (hold note into chorus)

(chorus)
all this hell
all this hate
can't you see
that I'm dead inside
trapped in this cage
heart filled with rage
the thought of you drives me insane

(verse)
broken bones
fractured lives
all products of your own demise
your crusades
your disguise
exemplified by (pause)
pain!!

(pre-chorus)

(breakdown)
have you ever cared about me?
what I feel? what I've felt?
no you don't
now I'm dead inside

(ending chorus)
trapped in this cage
heart filled with rage
the thought of you drives me insane
#2
I don't know it really needs no editing cause it's kind of just fine... the only problem is that this song seems a little cleshay. I'm not being a douche it just sounds to me a little bit generic.
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#3
not gonna bash it, just gonna say it sounds exactly like any other cookie cutter emo song lyric
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#4
I appreciate the constructive criticism guys thanks
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#5
Yeah, definitely sounds like a typical screamo song.

(pre-chorus)
if you said what you meant
and you meant what you said
then I would be
living through (hold note into chorus)


That makes no sense to me at all :S
Perhaps "Then I wouldn't be living through this hell" and hold hell into the chorus?
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