#1
Till The End


You dont get it no more,
What your reason here is for

You don't seem to get me,
Understand the things I see
You just don't seem to realize,
The things I idealize

I just want you there,
So things can be fair
To see things through,
Till the end....

You always said you seem to get me,
You said you understood the things I see
I think you sometimes realize,
Some of the things I idealize

I just want you there,
So things can be fair
To see things through,
Till the end....

I just hope you can hear hwat I have to say,
In my dismay,
I need you with me Till The End....


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Comments are appreciated and changes to my work too, please!
Calm & Collective
#2
First off, I think you should use "anymore" at the beginning. "No more" makes it sound like a song a couple of rednecks with banjos are singing. It also seems like you may have a forced a couple of rhymes, but overall I like it. Nice job
I'm an extreme supporter of the Second Amendment

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
#4
I agree with On a Boat about 'no more.' Realize/idealize, there/fair, and say/dismay all sound forced and really kind of kill the mood for me. Overall I think it's pretty good. Nice work.

Care to check out the first one in my sig?

no.
Last edited by braineater. at Jul 25, 2009,