#1
Hello hello.
Taffy or whatever you go by,
stretch and bend around
specific-pin-prick friend groups.
this is how we manage to stay so classy,
no improvement necessary, no no no,
just keep on leavin' heart icons,
on all of your friends pieces!
and let the 09ers burn in the compost heap,
with all the recycled text books
full of tu padre's love notes to your mother
and all of his other past and future love affairs.

how many, oh how many of you fucks write to write to express and press the limits of how much your closest personalities you can expose?
how many of you, yes you, write to swoon over the want to caress her breast to reach up her skirt and tickle her thighs, but you can't because
all you do is sit inside
and whine whine whine
on a little dim lit forum
about how,
it's so necessary to critique to a point
'no this isn't good it lacks FORM
it lacks STRUCTURE
it lacks TECHNIQUE'

since when is art a technique?

it must have become one once
cliche became a bad thing,
once beautiful imagery and I love you's
became a disgrace.

I don't know, I love her a massive amount
and I will damn well write as many pieces as i can
expressing that very thing.

whats keeping me here?
maybe its the rambling
of metaphor to metaphor pieces
or the techniques
of Kyle or Dylan,
that enigma of the good, the bad, and the deliciously crude.
that keep me reading,
because it sure isn't
the fear of sobering up and seeing the truth you don't like
and quickly squeezing in
those masqueraded edits.

well,
i guess this should go unnoticed like the rest of my pieces,
its not very good you see(as all of them are-haha!),
it lacks the poetic justice
for such an irrelevant topic.
see you in a few, page two.
this one is for you.
Last edited by Ebshabutiee at Jul 27, 2009,
#2
Ok seriously, you really ought to put some form into your pieces. I mean really, how long until you realize random line ranting isn't art?

hehe, just messin

I loved it. That was a really really great read for me. Only one thing--don't know if it was intentional, but you used "unnoticed" twice near the end, very close to each other. Oh and you misspelt "necessary" near the beginning. Those are the only things I'd change....but after reading that I feel bad making a suggestion
#5
But if I post my love, the poem would by meaningles

Dammit, I'll do it anyway.

You'll always have me, Erik baby. Funilly enough, I've written about seven pieces like this one.