#1
I got fed up with people acting like they want to play music and not really wanting to so I decided to try my own project and take it a little bit seriously.

Being a guitar player, primarily, my biggest insecurity is lyrics. This is also the first time I've taken vocals seriously. I'm not sure how to grade my abilities. I want the most honest opinions. Rip me apart. I want to get good. I will crit whatever you've got, as well. So what do you think? How can I improve?

http://www.myspace.com/weeirdo

You'll have to click play, I haven't told it to play automatically because sometimes people don't wanna hear it and I get that.

Thanks a lot!

EDIT: Added lyrics to the song on myspace
I play guitar
Last edited by )Eric(Draven at Jul 28, 2009,
#2
Ok, here goes...


Firstly, the recording quality is a bit 'dodgy' in my opinion... but that can always be improved.

The song is very short in itself (prob because you just want some primary crit at first to ensure a perfect song later), and contains the same sort of chord sequence all the way through (prob because it is a primary idea)...

Although sometimes simple is good, perhaps you should add a few more variations and some more chord progressions to liven up the sound a bit.

Guitar playing - I can see that you have some experience with the 'axe' (so to speak)... perhaps add a few more layers of guitars to liven up the sound a bit more.

I would recommend listening to some of brian may's songs (from queen) - he layers like there is no tomorrow.

Singing - A bit shouty at times, but generally quite good. I could see you doing some pretty cool hard rock pieces.

I would recommend this thread (https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1022092). With your style of singing, you have to be careful not to strain your voice.


Although i'm prob being really over-harsh.... this is a good idea to start with!
So, plz keep posted and i'll look out for the final song!
AJ

Plz can you comment on some of the songs on my profile (midi, so they can be perfect for recording)?
#3
First of all, I was caught completely off guard when you just started screaming...i don't know if that's a good thing or not.

uhhmm it WAS interesting...not much melody in it besides for the guitar...I think it would be great if you add some non-screaming vocal melodies in it...maybe on top of the screaming?

The vocals are not bad at all. I LIKE IT! From what I can hear, you got a good voice. But again, we can't really judge that because you don't really have any clean singing in that track.

definately needs drums and bass or some kind of backing track.

overall its really short. BUT it sounds good, if you are trying to go for like a intro song for an album or something.

good JOB! MAKE MORE MUSIC PLEASE!

I like your layout. lol that shark niggah looks sad.

check out my layout. http://www.myspace.com/ghastar
#4
great material man, I like the ideas you have there. I probably replayed it about 10 times

It does seem a bit incomplete though. I think you could stretch the piece out a bit more and make it much more powerful. Like if you were to lengthen the clean part at the beginning, maybe add some new riffs or variation, and then work up to a climax where you come in with the distorted guitars and screaming etc.

Anyway I think you have a good voice, especially for the style of music you are writing, the layered vocals were also a nice touch. I couldn't understand much of the lyrics so i can't really comment on that

Your guitar playing sounds pretty good, i have no complaints with that. The recording quality isn't the greatest but it gets the job done and it almost gives the recording a sort of live feel which is cool. I wish there were some drums or some sort of percussion though, i think the piece would really benefit from that.

Overall i liked this track, but i would consider trying to develop this into a more substantial piece of music because as it is it feels like its just a fragment. Also the addition of drums would be nice. But it seems like you have put something into this and it is a passionately driven project, so right on. Good on ya for doing your own thing, nice job.

Please take a look at the song desolation in my profile
take care
#5
I have to agree with what was said above, the recording quality wasent all that great, sounded like your guitar was slightly out of tune, sounded real messy too, I perfer clean playing though, so it really depends on your prefrence. But not a bad start.
#6
Wow, I wanna start by saying thank you to all you guys, I didn't think I was gonna get any feedback :/ but this was awesome!

So here we go; to address recording quality, it's really all I've got at the moment. I'm using a pretty low quality mic with a pretty bare bones mediocre computer and recording setup, so that explains that, but I'm actually kind of okay with it. Lo-fi was all the rage in the indie scene for a while, and I thought that was pretty gimmicky, but this is a tad lo-fi without me trying to make it that way. But I agree it is a little messy.

I've got a problem with this guitar's intonation, I just like how it sounds with the EQ's I've got. A buddy of mine is gonna fix me a new nut and I'm gonna get it redone soon.

As for the length of the song, I agree that it's pretty short. This was more of a trial run. I love the riff, don't get me wrong, but it was one of those things where I was fiddling around for a few minutes and went "Hey this sounds alright I'll try to record it." So it was a quicky, hah. And when I added vox I decided, you know what, I might try to make something out of this, so I did. But it does need to be a bit longer.

Thanks for the comments on my voice, they seem pretty positive so far. I need to work on staying in key, for sure. There are pretty consistently two panned cleaner vocals with a louder centered screaming/shouting vocal. I tried to yell loud enough that it sounded aggressive, but not so loud that it was saturating and destroying tones. I wanted to scream in key, and I attempted to hit notes. But you guys didn't seem distracted by that so I assume I wasn't too far out of key. But for further crits, please address this if you hear it as a problem!

Believe it or not there is a slight bass track in here. You can't really tell because I played it pretty smooth, but when I mute it, you can tell. But bringing up the bass might help. And I agree I really really need drums. Unfortunately I do not have a drum set I'm getting a macbook for college soon and hopefully garageband will have a few presets I might like, so if I can get it to not sound cheesy, I might try programming some. Or getting a buddy to let me borrow his, but I kinda feel rude asking that... we'll see.

And thanks for the layout comment! I do graphic design and web design (including myspace design/coding). Let me know if you'd like one!

Overall this is really great. Thanks for the crits... hopefully I can get a few more!

If anyone can understand them, I'd really to hear about my lyrics... if they're too emo or cheesy? Or boring? Does it matter?
I play guitar
Last edited by )Eric(Draven at Jul 28, 2009,