#1
Beyond these imprisoned liars
Lie the territory gates
Behind the fields of barbed wires
Where soldiers mount their rifles

The walls crafted from stone
Bleak heaps of soot spaced
Across statues that stand alone
Who imitate the false American dream

Chains forged from fires of fate
Latched on to the hopeless
Men ill with a face of dirty slate
Thrown here from the gavel

The smokey skies painted
From charcoal ignited furnaces
Smothered with souls tainted
Of sins no man could forgive

INTOLERANCE IS IGNORANCE


Quote by kosmic
Holy Moses.
haha
#2
I dig this. It really makes me see what you're trying to say. The last stanza makes me think of sometihng that Slayer would write, in that it seems both powerful and a little dark. The whole thing seemed good to me.
#3
oooh its very good. im not very good at criticising peoples work but i cant see much wrong with this peice. nice work(Y)
#4
The imagery conveyed in this is amazing especially love the lines "chains forged from fires of fate" and the entire last stanza. Don't know a whole to critique it on technique and what not but i really enjoyed this piece a lot.
#5
I thought this was good. It mentions guns and war, which not a lot of people do.
But it wasn't something that really hit me, if you know what I mean.