#1
During my recent ban from UG, I discovered a site called Idletard.com, which seeks to make fun of the "tards" who obsess about American Idol. And while the bulk of the posts aren't that interesting, I did meet a new friend. No, goddess. Her name is L Anne Carrington (formerly known as Lori Ann Dennick) and she may just be the greatest troll in history.

I would try to do the L Anne story justice, but it's frankly beyond my capabilities. So I'll just share the first of them and see what you have to say.

The Chronicles of L Anne Carrington, Chapter 1

Meet L Anne. Real name Lori Anne Dennick, she was born in 1962, and has real issues with telling the truth. L Anne, as she likes to go by online, amongst many other monikers, is imaginative and productive with her lying. She’s been telling lies for a number of years, most notably on Constantine Maroulis fan sites, where she paints incredibly detailed portraits of her many personalities. People fall for her because of all the detail, initially, but she ends up going overboard in the details, making them suspicious and start Googling her.

She goes to all the tard boards, and makes her own forums too. It’s suspected she might be a Madam frau this season, as well as clinging to the Contrain, so if you’re on any of the tard boards, you may have talked to her.

This is her story. It’s complicated and has many layers, which is why this is chapter one. You’ll see why.

Back in 2003, she began posting on a website called www.threefatchicks.com. A lot of her user names are variations on her name, plus names of people from soaps like Dynasty (which is where Carrington may have come from). She used the name ‘Loranden’ on this site, where she started off talking about an imaginary boyfriend.

By the way, all of Lori’s relationships appear to be imaginary. Don’t forget that very important part of these chronicles. Nothing she talks about online is real or true. Lori wrote that awful Con tale I posted recently, which gives you an idea of her delusions about sex.

"I got a letter via snail mail this morning from the ex’s PO. He is going to meet with his supervisor sometime next week on whether or not to file a probation violation against Brian. He said it will be the final decision of the supervisior, but it looks good that it may head in that direction. Hopefully I have some further news if anything comes of it."

Which in turn talks about even more manipulative material in order to gain maximum sympathy and attention from the forum users:

"Then I realized during therapy WHY I was fat in the first place! Much as heredity played a role in it, I also played a big part: I was fat to keep people away from me, especially men, which, it turned out, was common in victims of sexual abuse."

This was on a site for fat people who were already feeling low self esteem.

"Finally started production on the film; my part is finished (for the moment at least–if I’m needed by chance, I’ll have to go back). Anyhoo, the blond hair had to go; it’s a burgundy brown now, so I am scheduled for a new photoshoot in October, which is a good thing, because my food has been LOUSY this past week or so! I guess with the erratic filming schedule, I couldn’t eat at regular intervals like I normally do, and Lord knows how much I weigh now, even though my clothes still fit decent. Guess I’ll have to brave the scale tomorrow and find out!"

L Anne is also convinced that she’s a plus sized model and film star.

In September 2003, Lori made a picture of her “abusive ex-boyfriend” her avatar - and she was asked by a concerned poster:

"Okay… Lori…. I have to ask.
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND ????
Isn’t that a picture of “The Problem CHILD” in your avatar?
What are you doing back with him??
"

"You are a smart woman… what’s up with that??
I put in my vote to put YOUR picture back in your avatar.
Looking at his photo frustrates me something awful."


To which Lori replied:

"No, that was not the problem child…lol…just a wrestler that looks like him. Actually, I have not heard from THAT THING for ages. It is a reminder that yours truly can do better…and since my own pic is outdated since I have a new hairdo and color."

Lori is a wresting tard. She tends to use wrestlers pictures and names as her ‘boyfriends’. Even after getting busted, she keeps doing it.

So then she spilled her guts about her family issues:

"Fortunately, on the good side, I did have a “dad.” He may not have been the most affectionate person nor the most handsome rooster on the farm, but he was the most even-tempered, intelligent, and funniest person I knew for a guy that never finished high school (he lied about his age, enlisted in the Navy during WWII instead), and would go above and beyond to help any of us out whenever he could, even when his own health began to fail."

"It was my mother and I that locked horns a lot as long as I could remember–at least till I was 28. It didn’t help I was quite shy until I was 30. Of course, Mom had her favorites, Jan and Gary. Neither did no wrong. Gary’d come in at 3:00 AM and it was OK; I’d come in five minutes past curfew and get my butt chewed out. She’d couldn’t drive across town to go to my business school graduation, but drove all the way to New York to go to Gary’s graduation from diesel tech school. (They didn’t got to Maryland for my college graduation, either. By then, I understood and forgiven her and we’d gotten close; my father was dying of cancer). Jan had an affair while she was married (she still is) and got pregnant by the guy 20 years ago, and Mom wanted it hushed up, then word got back one of my other brothers’ married friends gave me a kiss and Mom acted like I was the family slut (I was 19). You get the picture."

"It wasn’t until I was 28 and she’d gone into congestive heart failure that we really started to “know” one another. For the first time in 28 years, she told me she loved me, which couldn’t have been easy for her, being she came from a “cold” home herself, and apologized for the “shoddy” treatment I’d gotten. Not one to hold grudges (life’s too short), how could I not forgive? Being she died two years later, it was one of the best decisions I ever made."


Lori posted this personal information about herself in the biography section:

DATE: 3/29/03

USERNAME/REAL NAME: loranden/Lori

AGE: 41

BIRTHDAY: February 8, 1962

MARITAL STATUS: Single and love it!

SPOUSE’S NAME: N/A

CHILDREN/AGES: None

HOBBIES/INTERESTS: Many listed at bottom of page

PETS: 2 cats, Tigger and Noah

TOP WEIGHT: 351

CURRENT WEIGHT: 328

GOAL WEIGHT: 195

HEIGHT: 5′7

EYE COLOR: Blue

HAIR COLOR: Dark Brown (front and sides frosted)

OCCUPATION: Plus Size Model/Actress/Journalist

GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION: McKeesport (Pittsburgh area), PA USA

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IN WEIGHT LOSS: I’m a chocoholic

WHAT IS DIFFERENT THIS TIME THAT WILL MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL: My thyroid medicine being adjusted, starting on Xenadrine, and warmer weather being here–plus finding this COOL FORUM!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT YOU?

A 1992 graduate of the University of Maryland with a Bachelor’s Degree in Fine Arts and Humanities, and graduated with a 3.98 GPA. I also briefly attended Hunter College in New York as an English major.

All work and no play is not my style; I enjoy classical and oldies music, drawing and painting, cat shows, reading non-fiction and classic fiction works, brain teaser puzzles, maintaining my own website, Pittsburgh Steelers football, NASCAR racing, classic movies, ballet, theater, in addition to being a real “PBS junkie.”

I am also a member of the Pittsburgh jurisdiction of the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA) and the International High IQ Society; as well as listed in the Marquis’ “Who’s Who of American Women,” “Who’s Who in America,” and “Who’s Who in the World.’ I have two cats, Tigger and Noah (who have their own website I maintain as well).
http://pages.ivillage.com/loranden/tiggerandnoah

L Anne also suffers the delusion that good looking men randomly hit on her:

"One could also say that I am a ‘fat lady activist’ myself. It is not an accepted practice to make racist remarks, make fun of gays and disabled people, so why should the larger sized population have to tolerate such abuse (and yes, it is abuse)? In my case, though, not only with my new assertive side, as well as my somewhat weird sense of humor, now have ‘word weapons’ of sorts at hand to take such rudeness down a peg–plus keeping my dignity intact. I also make a point of dressing fashionably and keeping my appearance well-maintained. As a result, I don’t get many crude remarks coming my way much anymore; as a matter of fact, taking a cab home, a nice looking lawyer shared it with me and asked if we could get together for lunch sometime–when it wasn’t raining ….to be truthful, I don’t think he really noticed my size…nor cared!"

And she continued to brag about her burgeoning ‘modelling’ career:

"Anyway, I have two photoshoots lined up with two Pittsburgh area photographers for mid-April, and I am also going to be in the Fashion Bug fashion show on April 12 at my local store!"

And

"I am in a fashion show on Saturday at Fashion Bug here in town–my second show in less than a month, only this time I am going to be even lighter! Once it warms up, I hope it stays that way, especially for Easter, when I am attending a brunch and egg hunt at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh (a benefit for Easter Seals)."

Have you noticed already the melodrama that is her history? Her back story?

And trust me, that isn't all. There's already about 40 chapters, some with...(shudder) pics. One pic was just too disturbing to consider.

So what do you guys think? Do you want more?
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#5
I read it all.


took me about the half the length of "where does the good go", by T&S


eh, all of us are really liars on the internet, to different degrees.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#6
I don't get it.
summarise it in like 3 sentences please shadow, or should i say.................
LORI :O:O:O
GEAR
________

Jackson RR3 w/ Dimebucker
Epiphone G400 Extreme
Marshall Mg30 Dfx (It does the job),
Kelry Sinister Strings, 10 - 52's
Dunlop Jazz III's or Dunlop purple 2.00 tortex(sharpened).
#7
Quote by Le_Bunny
What interests me more than this is what drives you to read stuff like this.

Boredom, attempts at sobriety mostly.

Quote by CoreysMonster
What interests me more is why you think anyone is gonna read all that.

Because sometimes good things come from a little effort.

Would any guitarist have gotten as good as they are without putting in effort? No. So I think it's worth reading.

And it's absolutely un-tl;dr-able.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#8
Quote by shadow__666
Because sometimes good things come from a little effort.

Would any guitarist have gotten as good as they are without putting in effort? No. So I think it's worth reading.

And it's absolutely un-tl;dr-able.


worst analogy ever.

infact doesnt even qualify as one.
-no sig-
#9
Quote by shadow__666
Because sometimes good things come from a little effort.

Would any guitarist have gotten as good as they are without putting in effort? No. So I think it's worth reading.

So I'll be like Satch if I read that? Best of luck with the sobriety bro.
#10
I feel bad now for reading it all...sad:
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#11
holy **** theres no way im reading that. sum it up in one word or less.

EDIT: i just read it all. that was boring.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
Last edited by ryan_nadon at Jul 28, 2009,
#12
Oh, I gave up trying. As Bill Kelliher once said, "AA is for quitters." And I like the booze.

Anyway, I'll make it easier for everyone now - I'll summarise the next forty chronicles in a few sentences and post a link to those who are xc0re enough to read the whole thing.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#13
okay so I skimmed it. it's apparently a story about a woman who made up false identities on the internet, most likely out of loneliness, who is most likely fat and has low self esteem. did I get that correctly? if not I'll read it again more throughly.
#14
Quote by CoreysMonster
okay so I skimmed it. it's apparently a story about a woman who made up false identities on the internet, most likely out of loneliness, who is most likely fat and has low self esteem. did I get that correctly? if not I'll read it again more throughly.

In a nutshell, that's it. But her false identities get funnier.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#15
If I want to read for a long time, I'll get a good book, not boring stuff about some person from the internet.
#16
Quote by shadow__666
In a nutshell, that's it. But her false identities get funnier.

no, not really. nothing of what you just posted was very funny.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#17
Quote by ryan_nadon
no, not really. nothing of what you just posted was very funny.

this. this has got to be the lamest non-spam thread I've ever read. it wasn't stupid, it wasn't intelligent, just... boring.
#18
Quote by Le_Bunny
What interests me more than this is what drives you to read stuff like this.


I think the name of the site that drivel is written on says it all.

Why anyone would want to read stuff aside, why would anyone want to write one chapter about a person let alone fortysome others about someone they clearly never met or know personally unless they had some weird obsession with that person? Pathetic IMO to make up stories about complete strangers to feel better about oneself. I agree with the others this is boring. Grow up already.
Last edited by gitarbottom at Aug 6, 2009,
#19
Quote by gitarbottom
Pathetic IMO to make up stories about complete strangers to feel better about oneself. Grow up.



no no NO.

life is a lie. it's hurt that makes it worse. Why are you hutin ,grobhrtR?
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#20
Wow, I feel sorry for that girl, she had such a hard life.....



Wait a minute...
"Most people are trying to simplify the world. We're definitely here to complicate it." - Dad
Quote by RocksAwakening5
I you for posting this.

<-- Pretty much sums me up

8/7/09


^ I was there