#1
last night after we spoke
I took the streetlights out with a stone
I wish you could have driven me home

and I tried to work it all out
but there's something incomprehensible about a shout
when a simple murmur will do

what happened to you

and i know the exact moment that I thought
that I'd rather you smack me than catch me
apologisin'

in the end the attention to detail
was so great that I couldn't appeal
to your sensitive sides

whats happening to these eyes
fetch me a blanket

and as the lights of her bedroom disappear down the road
the river runs warm, the cars run slow
like I said I wish you had tried to attack me than catch me
playing at this game
and we could blame it on the wine this time
but that excuse will only do
when you've still got a spare chance card or two
but honey I'm in jail and you're free to pass
and I'm rattling these bars
reminding you I that I'm probably
the best you ever had

how has it gotten so bad

you could've slapped me or tried to have trapped me
or stick my hand between your thighs

what's happened to these eyes
what's happened to these...
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Jul 28, 2009,
#2
Quote by Jammydude44
last night after we spoke
I took the streetlights out with a stone
I wish you could have driven me home

and I tried to work it all out
but there's something incomprehensible about shout
when a simple murmur will do

I really liked this stanza.

what happened to you

and i know the exact moment that I thought
that I'd rather you smack me than catch me
apologisin'

in the end the attention to detail
was so great that I couldn't appeal
to your sensitive sides

whats happening to these eyes
fetch me a blanket

and as the lights of her bedroom disappear down the road
the river runs warm, the cars run slow
like I said I wish you had tried to attack me than catch me

seems a tad wordy to me

playing at this game
and we could blame it on the wine this time
but that excuse will only do
when you've still got a spare chance card or two
but honey I'm in jail and you're free to pass

i would take honey out--I think it injects a different vibe and doesn't quite flow for me

and I'm rattling these bars
reminding you I that I'm probably
the best you ever had

how has it gotten so bad

you could've slapped me or tried to have trapped me
or stick my hand between your thighs

what's happened to these eyes
what's happened to these...


Nice one. I liked it a lot, just those few comments. I really really enjoyed the first two stanzas though. A lot.
#3
i felt this. pulls you right in and reminds you of everyone you thought you ever loved.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror