#1
This is a new one i am working on, the music is acoustic for now, gonna make the electric transition soon tho. um, the way this is sung is like: the first parts is played with the first chord, the second with the second, and the third with the third. so im playing 3 different chords in each line and spacing out between the commas... anyways... enjoy.

I'm Just A Simple Man (With A Simple Plan)

She, really wants, to leave him
So she comes to me, what a bad, idea
Cause she knows that I will talk to him, set him down and set him straight
But she, doesn’t know what’s gonna happen

I, met up, with my best friend
Told him how, his girl, was a cheating
Now hes pissed, at me, for instigating
Look at all, the good things, I have created

I’m just a simple man, with a simple plan
Creating chaos all around me
You can ask me to do you a favor
But im not promising
I’m just a simple man, with a simple plan
Screwing everything all around me
When I leave this place,
I wonder what they are gonna do with me
Do with me

A few, years pass, in my life
I got new friends, some that i, really like
But you know that i'll, i'll just, leave their side
Because i can't, hold on, to what is best for me

I see a man, and a woman, holding hands
I am filled, with such rage, that i can't even stand
So what do i do? I just walk, right through them
On my way through, I just, steal her from him

Because

I’m just a simple man, with a simple plan
Creating chaos all around me
You can ask me to do you a favor
But im not promising
I’m just a simple man, with a simple plan
Screwing everything all around me
When I leave this place,
I wonder what they are gonna do with me
Do with me
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#2
honestly I feel the flow is off because of all the commas you used and I feel this needs some polishing up, a lot of it doesnt seem to make sense to me either for example

I’m just a simple man, with a simple plan
Creating chaos all around me
You can ask me to do you a favor
But im not promising

I dont mean to sound harsh so Im sorry if this is how it turns out, just keep writing and keep improving if you dont mind criting my newest piece liquid courage I would appericate it
#3
The first two stanza's really give it a setting. And as the person above me said, that it doesn't flow with all the commas, I agree with with him. And the rest doesn't seem to make sense.
Skip the username, call me Billy
#4
Quote by aerosmithfan95
The first two stanza's really give it a setting. And as the person above me said, that it doesn't flow with all the commas, I agree with with him. And the rest doesn't seem to make sense.


to the comma part, thats just how i wrote it just to show that there are rests in between. so they are mainly for me and i forgot to take em off. and i dont understand how it cant makes sense. theme behind the lyrics= im an asshole
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#5
In my opinion, this was way too blunt. Everything was out there in the open and there was no way for me to really connect with the narrator. For me anyways, I could've used some implicit lines. That is, I could've used some imagery, some metaphors, some similes, to show us what you are experiencing as opposed to just telling us.
here, My Dear, here it is