#1
I'm a beginning lyricist, I've only writtten about 4 things so far. I'd appreciate critisism and advice that would benefit someone of my skill level.

I wrote this tonight, pretty rough, but I got what I wanted to on paper. What can be improved? What is terrible? What is good? Thanks guys

Here we are
Back Where we began
This whole journey
feels in vain
Do those pages we wrote
mean nothing anymore?
Cause I can't, let them go
Here We Are, Here We Are

Do you hurt,
do you heal?
DO you even
want to feel?
What I've got,
That I can give to you
All you do, All I see
You Deny, You Deny

Your face is blank,
your embrace is so cold
In your eyes
all there was is so old
I see no want,
but I can feel it's there
I press on, because still
Here We Are, Here We Are

The past reveals
what you try so hard to hide
You've proven it yourself,
I know it's no lie
You've burned our story,
buried the ash
It wasn't fake, yet
You Deny, You Deny


Here We Are,
Here We Are
Thoughts of our smile fade
Yet here we still are
It feels dark, it looks cold
But I know it's far from real, cause
Here We Are, Here We Are,
Here We Are
#2
This is not bad at all for a first effort. What I liked is that you were not all over the place in terms of your message; you had one clear meaning that you stuck with throughout the song and you didn't deviate from it too much which is definitely a plus.

I will suggest a few things to you. One is that, as you write more, you will know when something is cliche or not or if something has been overdone. I think it's important that when you have a topic that you know you wanna write about, to just sit and reflect about it. You can put on some of your favorite music that kinda evoke the emotions you are feeling from your situation and just get your creative juices flowing. What will probably happen is that while you listen to the music, an image will pop into your head and serve as the foundation for your lyrics. But the main thing is to ruminate on what you feel, and then be able to show us these feelings instead of merely telling us. Doing the former allows the reader to become intimate with your situation, it allows us to say "oh yeah, i've felt that before too".

One other thing I would suggest is to beware of forcing a rhyme. This happens when you contort a sentence or insert a word that otherwise wouldn't make much sense and is only added for the sake of a rhyme. For example you wrote, "Your face is blank, your embrace is so cold / In your eyes, all there was is so old": the second line doesn't seem natural but rather, it seems like you were fishing for something to rhyme with 'cold'. The easiest way to avoid this is to ease up on your rhyme scheme or not even rhyme at all. There's no rule that songs have to rhyme.

I hope this helped somewhat. Keep on writing and keep listening to music and I can guarantee that you will start improving on your talent soon.
here, My Dear, here it is