#1
part one is available here
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI

*****

James Jameson listened detachedly to the conversations around him. He was, in fact, wide awake, but he really couldn’t be arsed socialising. He couldn’t remember much of how he got here. He remembered snoozing at the bus station, then sleeping on the bus, then waking up well after his stop, in some middle of nowhere town. He had momentarily thought about booking a hotel, but couldn’t be bothered, so he slept at the shelter. He was awoken a few hours later by a car horn blast and an old man, Smith, asking him if he’d like a place to stay. So here he was. He hummed to himself in the silence, harmonising with the crackling of the fire. Everyone Everyone had told him he could be a brilliant musician, but he couldn’t be bothered putting in the effort. James feigned sleep, until a rich aroma filled the air.

Goddard laid the roast pork out on the table, and began piling vegetables and home cooked chips onto everyone’s plates.
“Soup’s up, folks,” he called. Jensen moved surprisingly fast for a fat man, reaching the table first and eyeing up the smoking meat with a religious fervour. The others soon followed, and Goddard began carving the meat with long clean strokes. Moments later, all were served and Jensen began devouring his plate. The others watched in awe as the large man finished the whole meal in minutes, their own barely touched. Goddard smiled, serving out seconds, then thirds, finally calling it quits after fourths. Half an hour later, with full stomachs, Goddard led each of the seven to their various rooms. Rein found herself in the lounge with Jensen and James, who had surfaced briefly to eat, but still had not spoken except to say, “I’m James, hello.” Claire and Alice, who it turned out were sisters, were given the master room, and Sandra and Frank retired to the guest room. Goddard himself seemed quite content snoozing in his chair. Though greatly uncomfortable, Rein soon found sleep catching up to her, and she finally closed her eyes and drifted.

*****

Crash. Bang. Brightness. Rein flew awake and fell off the couch, landing on her back, dazed. Something burned in her mind, something just out of her reach, but as she grabbed for it, it vanished. She groaned and sat up, for the first time noticing the small TV in the corner coughing static. She frowned, walking towards it over James’ sleeping form.
“It’s been doing that for almost an hour,” James whispered as she passed, startling Rein. She looked back but he hadn’t moved. Strange kid, she thought, and reached out to flick the little TV off. But before she could, it sprung into life, somehow setting the fire roaring at the same time in a brilliant explosion of flames. She jumped back, falling over James and landing against Jensen, who woke with a grumble.
“What in the...?” The static was gone from the TV, and a clown mask now hung before a blood red background. Faint strains of circus music floated in and out. “What in God’s name?” Jensen breathed. Claire and Alice ran down the stairs.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Claire growled, before catching sight of the TV. “What the fuck?” The clown face laughed silently on the TV, caught in some sort of glitch. Something moved past the window outside, a flicker of a shadow that caught Rein’s eye. She stood up, creeping towards the window.
“What are you...?” James began to ask, but Rein shushed him. Slowly, she eased towards the window. She threw open the curtains, but there was nothing there. Frowning, Rein peered out into the darkness. Nothing. She was about to turn away when someone stepped out from behind a tree, bare metres away. Rein squinted, but a flash of lightning lit the sky and revealed the man. Rein screamed, falling backwards. Frank stumbled down the stairs, Sandra following behind, quickly tying up her robe.
“What is wrong?” Frank asked, clearly pissed off. Rein gulped, pointed at the TV, then outside. Frank frowned. “She’s mad,” Sandra muttered under her breath, adjusting her breasts and hair.
“You have been Judged,” the TV said. The clown mask remained in its glitch, the mouth laughing, laughing, laughing. “If you can survive tonight, I will let you free. But there is no hope for those beyond forgiveness. You have been Judged.” The TV flicked off as another crack of lightning exploded across the sky, striking a tree somewhere close by. The flash of light revealed a face at the window, a face wearing a clown mask, and a hand holding a blood-stained knife. The house descended into chaos as outside, the burning tree collapsed, spreading fire throughout the light scrub.
Last edited by kdownes at Aug 26, 2009,
#2
Ah, so this is another one of those survival-themed stories written in the vein of Anaconda.

I'll be honest, i'm not very interested in the story as it is now, I found the standard set of a not-too-big yet not-too-small group of main characters (e.g. a number of 5 or 7 people) with varying degrees of likeablity HORRIBLY CLICHE. I didn't find the dialogue particularly enlightening either (not that I can write a better dialogue). I am in fact feeling very awkward because those characters are saying such things to each other and not realizing it. I want to scream at them and show them what they are really doing.

And let me guess, this Rein is going to fall in love with one of the men in here, amiright? Probably one of the more likeable ones. Please don't let that happen It'll be predictable.

I would love for you to bring a different perspective to this story...make it different, you know? Get cues from other stories and books.

Otherwise, kudos to you for writing this much text, I have yet to do that (for fear of sounding stupid, and whatnot). If I ever attempted to write a short story it would probably end up cringe-worthy. Maybe my standards are too high though. I disliked Albert Camus' "The Plague" for the same reasons, although it would probably fit the bill of "well written" in the general consensus.

I still want to see how Pt. 3 turns out though
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#3
1) You really shouldn't like any of the characters actually. You'll see why
2) Rein isn't big on the whole "love" thing. After all, who could love her more than herself?
3) This isn't your stereotypical story, which is why it's taken me so long to write it. I'm just finishing the conclusion as I write this.

I'm glad you want to read on though. I promise it's going to get interesting.

(oh, and there's a reason for the number of people, but not one you might expect)
#4
1.) I know I know, I was saying that there are some "likeable" characters and some "jerk" characters in that posse.
2.) I see.
3.) I shall stay tuned for it then
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian