#1
That bridge part in the middle is going to be a bit folky, that's why it doesn't always flow or rhyme correctly. C4C!!!!

oh my sordid outlook
what changed you?
turned aside my bleak sight
and set gaze ahead
sorted

converged from scattered hopes
upended but now set upright

i've ventured to the farthest
i'll keep my eyes set straight
i won't look away
my vision won't avert
from what shines through what's darkest

what's changed?
i once felt the same as now
every day spent
has built whats here
am i living in a building
set in sand?
under the waves life sent
with shells and footprints
littered with drifting artifacts
that's the sand i used to construct
a structure built with laws
held together by guilt
now in comes the high tide
and i know
i was saved by the undertow

now in comes the high tide

i know i'll turn away
some things may go back to how they've been
but does the light ever fade
when i'm not looking?
We're only strays.
#2
The first stanza gripped me and really interested me, but sadly to say that the rest of the piece is a bit wishy washy.

My biggest complaint with the piece is that there does not seem to be any type of chorus/hook. For a song with a longer bride that seems to go off music wise from the rest there needs to be a hook or an excellent one liner to put the song all together. without that this piece seems sloppier than it really is.

Second, the writing after the bridge seems a bit lower and for some reason makes the piece seem much longer than it really ever is.

What I like? I really enjoyed the back and forth. It reminded me sort of like the idea of the devil and god are raging inside of me. There is a fight going on and what is the outcome.

Overall, I would really work hard on a chorus, shorten the bridge, and maybe create a one liner/zinger which would make this all seem whole or complete.

It's solid but not excellent.

I have a piece titled "The Vacum of the Devil's Grin" please crit if you would like.

Thanks and Good Luck!