#1
Alright guys, this is my first song EVER and I just put it together a few minutes ago. I just wanted to see how I can improve it. Oh, and it's not finished yet.

Homicide


‘Til death do us part-
A goal, not a promise
A shiny dagger through the heart
Victim stays in peaceful bliss

Her life briefly flashing,
Her last thoughts clashing,
Only enough time to see the triumphant face
of a homicidal maniac

All that she’d done for him
Year after year
All that she’d done with him
calling him dear
How could he do such a thing?

All that she’d done for him
Year after year
All that she’d done with
calling him dear
Why would he do such a thing?

Her tear-stained blue eyes
Looking up ever more
Blackened more by hatred’s reflection
Of the Devil’s incarnate?
Or is it her attempted introduction
Of the feeling to which she swore?


EDIT: this is just the intro, verse 1, chorus, then verse 2
Gear:

St. Blues Bluesmaster IV
Vox AC4- ah-mazing lil amp
Roland Micro Cube- 1st amp... pretty crappy
a whole lotta picks

Am I the only one who has WON
THE GAME?

Last edited by happa95 at Aug 1, 2009,
#2
A tiny bit repetitive, but you said it's not finished, so you can fix that. Other than that its pretty good.
#3
Quote by MyCurse08
A tiny bit repetitive, but you said it's not finished, so you can fix that. Other than that its pretty good.



Are you talking about the chorus? Thanks, though.
Gear:

St. Blues Bluesmaster IV
Vox AC4- ah-mazing lil amp
Roland Micro Cube- 1st amp... pretty crappy
a whole lotta picks

Am I the only one who has WON
THE GAME?