#1
WIP
NEW VERSION! YAY! And don't worry... that awesome piano bit that you all loved so much is still there ;] I'm just going ti end the song with it rather than put it in the middle. EDIT: Don't mind the lack of bass in the chorus section... I usually add that last, and i'm not done layering on strings and keys to it. But tell me how the chorus is anyways! I'm not good at them, so i'm trying to get better.

I'm trying to work on melody, and I think i'm doing a good job with it. It's a song (er... intro to a song) that's heavily influenced by Versailles, Galneryus and Motoi Sakuraba (Tales of the Abyss/Symphonia, Golden Sun(s), Star Ocean 3: Till The End of Time) so it's got a bit of a symphonic feel to it as well.

I would like to know how the melodies are specifically. If they fit with the progression, anything. Are the rhythms stale? etc.
Is it convoluted in places? Mixing problems basically.
Does it transition well enough? Or completely bad.

And anything else you feel like mentioning :]

NOTE: LISTEN IN HEADPHONES IF POSSIBLE, THERE'S ALOT OF LITTLE THINGS GOING ON AT ONE TIME THAT ADD TO THE TEXTURE AND "FULLNESS" OF THE PIECE.
NOTE: IF YOU USE RSE MAKE THE DRUMS ONLY MIDI. EVERYTHING ELSE SHOULD BE GOOD.
C4C as always :]
Attachments:
Closing the Gap (Version Five).zip
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Sep 22, 2009,
#2
I thought the piano into was great, and the swell in the string part really gave it a great feel.
I'm not a fan of the lead guitar at 13. It just seemed to be written down, without any feeling put into it, you know?
Key change is amazing I love it.
As for the main melody, I think it's pefect. It really flows well and has an epic feel to it.
The trills in the piano part are a little anoying though. Maybe take them down an octave?


As for what should go next, I think a slower melodic section where the synth/keyboard takes the melody would be fitting.

I really like this so far. Be sure to post the finished versiont (If you finish it )
Check out my band Disturbed
#3
Haha thank you :]

I think the Ebm intro would be more of an intro to an album whereas the F#m intro would be a part of another song.

That's my favorite part as well..!

I'm gonna try that out :] What i've got going for it now might do pretty good with that idea, so we'll see... just gotta get a good background going for it.
#5
UPDATED CRIT;

Again, please remember that I'm not huge on symphonicy power metally stuff.

The fade in with the strings sounds decent, wasn't such a fan when the 'band' came in, but there wasn't really anything wrong. Just not my cup of tea. 22, when the keychange and stuff happened, it got better though, so it kind of redeemed itself

The bridge and Abminor bit, again, nothing wrong with it, just not a huge fan of this genre, sorry.

I liked that riff at 52 though, I've heard stuff similar to it before, but that isn't the end of the world.

As for the ending, I don't remember that from the original. But it was some good stuff. The trill sounded weird, I blame that on MIDI though.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Sep 18, 2009,
#6
Ebm Intro: Very well done here. It's got a reflective feel to it for some reason, that's just how I imagined it. I like what you did with the guitar and keyboard parts. It's like they're weaving in and out of each other. It's very atmospheric. Nice work.

F#m True Intro: I liked the beginning of it, except some of the notes in the keyboard part are a little wrong. Try to fix those. I like the flute though. That was a nice touch. The piano part was really good but I wasn't sure about the stuttering riffing that you like to do. Play with some different rhythms to complement the piano part better.

Keep it up. Both intros, especially the Em one, have a lot of potential to turn into a great song.
Do you mind commenting on my new songs in the concept album? The link is in the sig.
Thanks and good luck.
#7
I took some of ya'lls advice, and I changed the rhythm of the rhythm guitar during the F#m intro, thanks Progbass :]

I also moved the piano section and gave it it's own little place to play, thereby making the F#m intro less claustrophobic, and, in consequence, less annoying.

I added the update to the OP ^^

And i'll get to critting your piece soon enough Progbass.
#8
I'm digging it. I'm not usually fond of symphonic stuff, but this is really good. The only problem I have with it is the pre-verse.

It's a little off sounding and I didn't really like where it pusghed the song. I really really liked where the piano bit was and was hoping it would go into a sort of dark ballad, a la Nevermore.

7/10 since it's unfinished.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#11
Intro was really good. Solo was really beautiful. The "True Intro" was not as good IMO, but still nice, though there was a bit that needed syncing. The Bridge reminded me of Zelda. Ab Minor was really nice. Verse was really good, reminded me of Cynic ( on the avatar) Outro was simply amazing. Breathtaking. The last chord should be longer IMO.
10/10
#12
This is awesome!! Now you should finish it, because it's a masterpiece so far.
#13
Quote by GisleAune
This is awesome!! Now you should finish it, because it's a masterpiece so far.

Haha thank you :] I'm trying to come up with a good chorus/pre-chorus to go after the verse, but chorus' are my weak point xD

@ jimmlyed - I didn't mean for it to be in 5/8 xD I had something else planned to go there, but I scrapped it and it was in 5/8... Basically I forgot to change it.

Thank you for your kind words :] Anyone else wanna crit?
#14
pretty great stuff you got here so far man. Love the fade in in the intro with the strings and the brass section going, nice melody. I absolutely love the part that comes in at bar 12, but it goes away too soon. I think you should change the harpsichord to a piano also, it sounds better imo. Please expand on this section though, like bring an actual drumbeat in after bar 21, and maybe throw in some clean guitar stuff behind the symphonic melodies you got goin on, and THEN go into the F#m key change.

That being said the F#m part was sublime, great melodies, but once again, I feel like it cuts out too fast, like you're rushing things to get to the faster tempo. You should expand on this part a little more, then bring in the bridge. That being said the bridge was good and the Abm riff was awesome! I especially liked the strings beihind the riff. Verse 1 was pretty darn cool too, I really liked the bass work, and the intervals you used in the riff.

I didn't really like how you went from 140bpm to 150bpm for the chorus, it sort of interrupted the flow I thought. You should just start the Abm riff at 145 bpm, and have no tempo change for the chorus, I did it and it sounds better imo. The chorus was great, I really loved the chords you used, sort of had a cynic-esque sort of vibe to them, which is nothing but a good thing. Post-chorus was also good, good usage of the harmonic minor scale there.

Overall, you've got the potential for an incredible song here, I just think that some parts should be expanded on a little more. After the post-chorus thing I think you should go back to the F#m melody. I hope you don't mind, but I messed around with it, so I'll include it in my post. Anyways, just a thought. Keep at it man, I wanna hear this finished!
Attachments:
DiminishedFitfh-Closing the Gap.zip
#15
That was awsome...

ebm intro: loved it...... 10/10
F# (true intro....): loved it...... 10/10
bridge: good, it did the job, but i disliked the transition to the new key (bar 41)...... 7/10
AbMinor: very nice! i like...... 8/10
verse 1: i like mostly it at bar 56....8/10
prechorus: did the job...9/10
chorus: good! but i suggest you use the progression of th "F# (true intro....)" in the new key for the chorus...8/10
Bar 71->bar 72: i really hated this part

overall its great, good luck finishing it...

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1200024
#16
Thank you for the crit Zak! It helped a lot, and what you did inspired me to go with it. While i'm not using it exactly as you did, i'm going to use it as an ending :3 It was really good; your drumming is as good as ever xD

I took your advice about the 145 tempo and it works better. At first the 140->150 seemed awkward, but i got used to it and didn't notice it. Thank you :]

About the clean section at the beginning... that'll be really hard to expand cause of the way it's phrased. I wrote it so that it would go into the F#m intro. I usually think of it as if it were an intro to an album... which is what it would be in the case of this song. And the F#m intro I really want/ed to go back to it, but it's so "epic" that it really only makes a good intro/outro (and man, what you did REALLY made it a good outro).

To tiammatdeath, thank you for the crit :] What exactly didn't you like about the post-chorus?

I'll get back to your crit when I have the time to :3 don't worry! ^^
#17
Sorry for taking some time to crit back, I´ve been pretty busy the last week.

Nice lead to the intro with the strings, asthetic use of time signature changes. I am a big fan of your hapischord use. One thing that bothered me to an extent is the difference in the guitar and the ekyboard lead. I kind of get what you´re trying to do here, but it just seems a bit pointless to me. The keychange to the F# Minor lead was great, very flowing, and a very folky melody. One thing that bothered me was your use of drums. It´s just too much bassdrum. I´ve never been a big fan of 16th bassdrum lines, but it seems to be very popular in the metal genre. Nothing bad in the bridge either, a very flowing tempo change to the Ab Minor part, your bass player hase some fast fingers! Change to the verse was ok, but the Riff itself in the verse just didn´t do it for me. It sounds a bit to generic and not as "full" as the rest. The pre-Chorus seemed a bit pointless in my own opinion, The Chorus also seems to have the bassdrum overdose, and the Chords don´t quite resolve, I suggest to check that. Nice resolving back into the Ab Minor part, nothing wrong with this repetition. I´d love to see your lead to the little part at the end, I´m curios how you´ll lead us there. Anyways, a nice starting to a song, nice concepts, work on it, and please message me when it´s finished, I´d like to hear and crit the full product. Sorry for only pointing out the negative aspects, but I think you know best that you got some great stuff in there.

If you want to hear more of my works, I´ll be putting up a whole Jazz record of myself on UG in a few minutes. The Link: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1206681
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

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Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
Last edited by Madzää at Sep 28, 2009,
#19
hahaha man i hated the direction the song is going to...i prefer that u go back to the stuff you started with, on a different key maybe with more/different stuff played in the background...

still waiting your crit