#1
Summer is over,
so lets go die
together.

It's the least I
could do for you
anyways.

(Even though I won't
ever know who you
really are)

People keep themselves
Hidden under their
Imagination.

But not you, girl.
I can tell by
your deep eyes.

They give away
the ending of
your fairytale.
#2
Very nice sounding

Well the stanza in parentheses seems a little out of place for me. And the second stanza works but to make the flow better from dieing with your girlfriend to secret illusions it needs something a little more. Other than that it is a beautiful poem and could make a really good song Keep Playing
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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#3
This is all the farther I could get. I still have more work to do, I know

Summer is almost over,
so lets go die
together.

It's the least I
could do for you
anyways.

Even though I won't
really ever know
who you are;
Even though you
won't like me
anyhow;

People keep themselves
Hidden under their
Imagination.

But not you, girl.
I can tell by
your sincere eyes.

They give away
the ending of
your fairytale.
#4
I liked some of your ideas, and some of the lines could have been very strong. I felt like you could have used..more words to describe the emotions that are connected to this. It wasn't wordy enough for me. I wish I had more, but that was about it. Good job.


And thanks for the comment on mine
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
Dude thanks for this! This piece has been a real stumper for me and I really want it to be great, but its so friggin stubborn.

Thanks, Ganoosh.
#6
Newest Edit


Summer is almost over,
so lets go die
together.

It's the least I
could do for you
anyhow.

Even though I won't
ever really know
who you are;
Even If I just
Disappoint you
in the end.

People keep themselves
Hidden under their
Imagination
all to much.

But not you, girl.
I can tell by
your sincere eyes.

They give away
the ending of
your fairytale.

People tend to keep
themselves inside their
fear of what may be.
But please, Please don't do that to me.


I don't know where to go from here.