#1
Where have I been,
where am I going?
Walking down the only road.
By myself but not alone.

And I'm standing on the summit,
looking down on all those I've stepped upon to get where I am.
And I'm standing at the water's edge,
looking at my own reflection; but all it keeps asking is:
“What do you see?”
I think I see me but the ripples think otherwise.
I, see the mask lines,
but I dare,
not share my identity...
No, I'm not yet ready no...

Windows of opportunity,
are walls in my glass house.
I can see everything,
and yet I'm out of stones to throw.

And I'm sitting in the ditch,
looking up on all those who've stepped on me to get where they are.
And I'm laying near the water's edge,
looking at my own reflection; yet it just keeps laughing.
“What am I seeing?”
I think I see me but the bruises say otherwise.
I, see the mask lines,
but I dare,
not share my identity...
No, I'm not yet ready no...
#3
Quote by ansels
Where have I been,
where am I going?
Walking down the only road.
By myself but not alone. this opening didn't draw me in much, it didn't turn me off either.

And I'm standing on the summit,
looking down on all those I've stepped upon to get where I am.
And I'm standing at the water's edge,
looking at my own reflection; but all it keeps asking is:
“What do you see?”
I think I see me but the ripples think otherwise.
I, see the mask lines,
but I dare,
not share my identity...
No, I'm not yet ready no... I think you could describe your reflection in a better way, instead I feel that you're dancing around the description by using purposefully vague language, which is not always a bane and is sometimes desirable, but I feel it detracts from the impact here.

Windows of opportunity,
are walls in my glass house.
I can see everything,
and yet I'm out of stones to throw. I didn't like this stanza. It's cliche. However, you could keep the first two lines of this, and change the ending of the saying, to surprise the reader.

And I'm sitting in the ditch,
looking up on all those who've stepped on me to get where they are.
And I'm laying near the water's edge,
looking at my own reflection; yet it just keeps laughing.
“What am I seeing?”
I think I see me but the bruises say otherwise.
I, see the mask lines,
but I dare,
not share my identity...
No, I'm not yet ready no...

I like how you repeated this part but added a few variations, repeating a chorus with a little variation is something I like in a song. It gives a sense of progression for me.


If this is a song (which I guessed it might be) i'd like to hear it when it's recorded

I have a piece i'd like you to check out if you click the link on the word "stare" in my sig.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#4
Thanks for the crits guys, I'll check out your's and try and edit my verses. I don't like them much either; still a work in progress!