#1
Hey guys, I'll C4C if you take the time to give me some feedback on these lyrics. I think they're a little whiny but I'll leave you guys to judge Tell me what you think! It's a mid-tempo'd "I Miss You" song haha


Verses 1 + 2
Wake up alone, the alarm clock rings
Heard you last night, saw you in my dreams
Now you’re gone,
Life still goes along,
Have to carry on.

Felt you there lyin’ beside me,
Wish you’d be here when I wake,
I open up,
And you’re still gone,
Like the sun.

Chorus
Where’d you go?
What do you see?
Why aren’t you here, beside me?
Time alone,
Sands fall away,
Can’t wait till you come back some day.

Verse 3
As you are, come back to me,
Want no change, just you here,
Won’t be long,
Till you come home,
And I’m free.

*Repeat Chorus with slight variations till end*
Last edited by Superstrat101 at Aug 2, 2009,
#2
its simple but i like it.it isnt a masterpiece but it works well and it conveys your meaning.it would sound good with music

thanks for the crit on mine
ಠ_ಠ
<|>
/ω\



Tell me what nation on this earth, was not born of tragedy-Primordial
#3
it's simple but you made your point and stuck with it.

some stuff such as "now you're gone, life still goes along, have to carry on" are a bit too cheesy for me. also, does the "sands fall away" mean the sand in an hourglass? i'm a bit confused on that part.
"take your form
be my fear, be my hope
be the indication
if i'm right or wrong

take your most dreadful form
and let it be known"
he provided assurance
#4
its simple and would sound great with a lovely melody.

"the alarm clock rings", "like the sun" these lines could be more metaphorical or have some kind of word play in them.