#1
She lay her head to rest, forgetting all her sorrow, spirits in desolate places.
the strain, the stress of yesterday floating away like blossom in sunny May.
The harsh reality of make-believe and fantasy combined,
creates the world as we know it, but not as we wish it
spirits in desolate places.

One can run away or escape
reshape by dream scape
but the truth of the matter is fantasy and make-believe
fallacy and fakery will never be real
will never be true

So as we awake from the dream
tears running from our cheeks
Do we choose cold and bitter
or gold and glitter?

spirits in desolate places,
content but transarent.


P.S.this is my first ever piece of writing, so please be honest. I wrote it in 30min, so its its not going to be great
#2
I feel like the tree blossom shouldn't be used to personify stress, and I want to know more about the desolate places you are taking about, as a reader. The rhyming of reshape and dream scape was fantastic. If you could expand on what kind of fallacy it is rather than reiterating it with fakery it would carry much more force. "cold, bitter - gold glitter" was the best line and would make a good title. Also if you defined what places the ending coulplet would carry more meaning. This has much potential