#1
C4C


As the colors run together
they fade away
leaving black and white
in their place
it makes you different,
unique,
but others see it,
as a strange abnormality
you try to surpress,
to throw away, to fit in,
but is it really worth it?

this is still a work in progress dont really know what to do with it from here any crits will be returned let me know what you think
#2
may i ask how it is to be sung?
rythmn aswell?
Lyricly it's good but i read it as a poem atm...so...some idea of how it would go would be nice.

Schecter C-1 Hellraiser FR
ESP LTD MH-1000NT
Marshall AVT100
Boss ME-70

Quote by stratdud39
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
#3
may i ask how it is to be sung?
rythmn aswell?
Lyricly it's good but i read it as a poem atm...so...some idea of how it would go would be nice.

Schecter C-1 Hellraiser FR
ESP LTD MH-1000NT
Marshall AVT100
Boss ME-70

Quote by stratdud39
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
#4
oppppppppps double post....fail my self...

Schecter C-1 Hellraiser FR
ESP LTD MH-1000NT
Marshall AVT100
Boss ME-70

Quote by stratdud39
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
#7
as soulfly pointed out it is lyrically really good, I really like the idea you're portraying, if you keep adding to it maybe add an even deeper truth into the idea you're getting across. I'd really like to find out what the music for it will be once you have it XD I give thumbs up therealtater
Music is my refuge.
I can crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.


#9
Funny, this reminded me of a jumper I had! the washing machine recked it last week .... I know it has nothing to do with your poem lol but..you could use it as metaphor
e.g
-colours bleep into..
-seep
-reshape
-out of shape
-become colourless
-tarnish
#10
you're welcome and not really, I'm just restarting on here so I haven't really put any of my work up yet all I've put up is my photography
Music is my refuge.
I can crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.


#11
thanks for the crit dude!


also,
i really have nothing to comment on here.
i really like it.
great read.


wish i could say more, really...
i've got this whole thing goin on where i'm trying to get everyone to start giving better critiques... by 'i' i mean 'we', of course.
and i feel like i'm setting a bad example with this one.
haha..


let me know when you add more, so i can be of more assistance. =]