#1
verse 1
I look into your eyes
as you pass me by
Thinking of what
could have been
im tired of distrust
and all the lies
i just wanna see you again

chorus
Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried

verse 2
watching the sun
as the day is done
im feeling so
lonely!
this world is like a war
that has never won
i dont think you
will ever see!

chorus
Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried

solo
chorus

Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried
#4
I don't want to sound mean or anything, but to me that seems incredibly cliche. You really just don't seem to be saying anything important, just stringing together a bunch of vaguely lyrical-sounding things. While that can work if the focus of your music is on the guitars or something, it's not going to be able to carry the song on its own.

What I would suggest is go back and look for more specificity in whatever you're trying to write about (a past relationship, from the looks of it). Try to think of something that only you could write, and make that the central focus of your song. Also, don't force rhyming so much.
kill all humans
#5
Quote by ryan 93
verse 1
I look into your eyes
as you pass me by
Thinking of what
could have been
im tired of distrust
and all the lies
i just wanna see you again

I like this verse a lot, but the near rhyming of the first two lines kind of bugs me for some reason.

chorus
Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried

It's a good idea, really, just not working for me. Especially the fact that the 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th lines are almost the same. With some more work it could be good, though. I like "this empty inside."

verse 2
watching the sun
as the day is done
im feeling so
lonely!
this world is like a war
that has never won
i dont think you
will ever see!

Lonely and see feel like forced rhymes to me (believe me, I've tried to force a lot of rhyming words). You might not have even meant to rhyme them, but I think one of them needs to be altered. I love the line "This world is like a war/ that has never won."

chorus
Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried

solo
chorus

Cause you dont know
the tears ive cried
you dont know
all the bad times
you dont feel
this empty inside
you dont know the
tears ive cried


It's a good idea in general, maybe done a few too many times, but some editing (and background music) could be good.
#6
I felt that this song was just too cheesy and cliche.

the first two lines in the first stanza are just too cheesy for me. the chorus was lacking and i just can't seem to grasp the intensity you tried to put forth into it.

the second verse didn't really change my opinion about the song, especially the line "the world is like a war / that has never won". why is it "like a war"? who, or what, are the opposing sides in this "war"? also, "never won" what? i just feel at a loss in this verse.

the lyrics are just lacking in any depth. try to go back and find new ways to phrase your lyrics. don't try too hard to rhyme, otherwise it'll sound too forced.


i'm sorry if i come off as a bit too harsh or mean, i'm not trying to be. i really do suggest, however, that you go back and revise this song. i feel that you do have potentially good ideas that you can tap into to make a better song.

"take your form
be my fear, be my hope
be the indication
if i'm right or wrong

take your most dreadful form
and let it be known"
he provided assurance
#7
I enjoyed it immensely, reminds of something Fall Out Boy or Angels and Airwaves might write.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.