#1
This is a new song I wrote today, I'm not quite sure what inspired me to write it. Im looking for some honest crits and some possible title suggestions (I think the current one is to cliche).


What Could've Been

I feel into a sea
Of broken promises
A trail of empty bottles
And it’s all on me
Nothing to measure
Whatever success we have
No one left who
Would even care

I left the loyalty
Of my friends behind
And immediately began to
Regret what led me here
If I could do it all over again
I swear it would be different <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< CHORUS
More direct and less dodgy
I would have lasting friendships
To this very day
And nothing would make me a happier man
Than to know I’ve changed

I wouldn’t know the difference
Between a liar and a fortune teller
Even If I stared them in the eye
Everyone told me the same thing
Not to even try
But I gave them everything
And I met some hardships
Along the way
Leading to the successes
That define me this way

Chorus

Left it all behind for a land of indecision
Left you for that soothing allure
Why did I take this path? <<<<<<<<<< BRIDGE
God only knows
And now theres no way
For me to know

Chorus

If what I did was right
I wish I was wrong
To get you to listen
To even one more song
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Last edited by PCADriven at Jun 17, 2010,
#2
This song is emotional, and i think fantastic. I really love how deep the lyrics go. Please section out which part is the chorus, though.
#3
Quote by JohnMayer4Mayor
This song is emotional, and i think fantastic. I really love how deep the lyrics go. Please section out which part is the chorus, though.


Oh my god, thank you so much. I will get on the sectioning right now. Thanks again!
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#4
Great lyrics, love the end of the chorus line with "nothing would make me a happier man then to know i have changed" depending on how you want the end of the song to be (upbeat or not) during the last chorus it might be cool for a more upbeat note if you had "nothing makes me happier then knowing i have changed". in any case great lyrics and Id love to hear them put to music!
#6
Thanks guys, c4c, in the process of doing so.
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#7
I really dig the emotion in this song, man. Keep up the good work, I'll be looking out for more of your stuff.
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#8
Quote by Wulphy
I really dig the emotion in this song, man. Keep up the good work, I'll be looking out for more of your stuff.



Thanks much!! I like your stuff as well, ill be on the lookout :P
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Last edited by PCADriven at Aug 12, 2009,
#9
Hey man, i like the lyrics, the chorus is really cool and i cant add more feedback to it, because its already been said here
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#10
really good lyrics . . .is it an acoustic song ?
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If by knife you mean penis, and by shred you mean sex

then im soo with you






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#11
Quote by Davetastic11
really good lyrics . . .is it an acoustic song ?


Meh, I laugh in the face of Acoustic Songs. Lol just kidding no it wouldnt be acoustic, I't be like Take This To Your Grave Fall Out Boy Or Put Up or Shut Up All Time Low esque. Because of course: Fall Out Boy is God and All Time Low is Jesus.
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#12
Quote by PCADriven
Meh, I laugh in the face of Acoustic Songs. Lol just kidding no it wouldnt be acoustic, I't be like Take This To Your Grave Fall Out Boy Or Put Up or Shut Up All Time Low esque. Because of course: Fall Out Boy is God and All Time Low is Jesus.


i disagree jimi hendrix is god and steevie ray is jesus
Quote by diofan88
If by knife you mean penis, and by shred you mean sex

then im soo with you






SHAKE AND BAKE
#13
I pretty agree with what's already been said excellent writing here. It's ironic to me, because I was sharing my new lyrics with my bandmates last night and the drummer was telling me he thought the best lyrics "had to rhyme, like any masterpiece." And I was like, NO it never, ever HAS to rhyme. This is a terrific example.

Another great example of how completely UNmusical lyrics can be amazing with chords behind them:

Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live

- Chris Cornell
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#14
A lot of true-blue, raw emotion here. Definitely feeling it. I would suggest using a line from the song as the title, like "To Know I've Changed."