#1
First one.
be honest. but take it easy(:

Bright-eyed lover, with your head up in the clouds.
im tired of looking up,
can you join me on the ground?

Because,
I dont think that you know,
i dont think that you see,
i know you dont realize what you mean to me.

Didya know i think about you all the time?
the taste of your lips,
and the glow in your eyes.
so make a move before the sunrise sets the scene.
one last chance, the last opportunity.

I wonder if you think of me too,
like the way i smile,
whenever i see you.
so take these words and scream them out loud!
or write them down,
but someday they will make you proud.

Your not dumb,
so when will you see?
Your lacking common sense.
Your everything to me.
#5
Quote by Deagle.
Im a girl,
im not looking for action.
lol.
but thanks anyways.
(:











Fuck him.





Bright-eyed lover, with your head up in the clouds.
im tired of looking up,
This was sweet. I like it.

can you join me on the ground?
But I felt this was a let down. Does it need to be as predictable and irritating as "ground"?

Because,
I dont think that you know,
i dont think that you see,
i know you dont realize what you mean to me.
The repetition here, even if it's a song, feels unecessary. It adds a childish quality to it, that is not endearable as you may perceive it to be. As someone mentioned so ignorantly (but correctly), it feels a little "scene". Which I hate to say, but the truth is often a pile of shit we all have to chew on.

Didya know i think about you all the time?
There is no need for "Didya". I'd suggest using proper grammar and spelling to help elevate this above teenager-isms.
the taste of your lips,
and the glow in your eyes.
Very nice.
so make a move before the sunrise sets the scene.
one last chance, the last opportunity.
This is all a bit dramatic, which suits the voice of the piece, but the "sunrise sets the scene" just takes it a little too far, in my eyes.


I wonder if you think of me too,
like the way i smile,
whenever i see you.
I like this because it's honest. You're bringing yourself into the equation and putting yourself out there. Look at me. It's heartfelt.

so take these words and scream them out loud!
I don't like this at all. It ruins what you had.
or write them down,
but someday they will make you proud.

Your not dumb,
You're.
so when will you see?
Your lacking common sense.
You're. I think you should end the piece with this line. It totally redirects your thoughts and the voice of the piece. It suddenly adds humour, saying, maybe, that you don't care.
Your everything to me.
You're.

This needs to be patched up. Take out the cliches and work with that honesty that you seem to have.
#6
i liked the beggining verse alot i think that the first verse & chorus (obviously) of a song really make it or break it