#1
yr head is a home to thoughts you may or may not own,
ask yr mother,
ask the british!
yr lover is a pathetic monument to loneliness who recites to you
sappy loveless poems out his spoiled strawberry lips!
ask yr mother,
ask the british,
ask yrself,
what are you really thinking?
you love a man, a boy in pleaded pants,
yeah so what, he lost his arm in a re enactment of the 19th century civil war,
between the north and the south and the in between who just didn't care.
well yeah that's me!
and yeah,
that's you!
we remember correctly a tryst through the battlefield wading through the carnage,
corpses playing dead waiting to go home and fu.ck their wives or eat a great first supper. smoke bombs, blue red and purple diminishing into a hiss of sightless dis interested particles, and i remember yr lover, the only casualty of the great re enactment of the great 19th century civil war being carted away, missing an arm, his right arm to be exact, and oh god, did we laugh, did we laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. ada, i am your man, your heartless sarcastic, bastard of man. can i walk you home now where we can debate future and current wars and thoughts? or just sleep, you know either or is fine with me.
#2
The "yr" is very annoying, please just write out your. Somewhat of a strange piece, if it was put to music, what genre would it be? Some moments were creative while some were just out there and strange.
#3
the 'yr' has a purpose, and i do spell it all the way out at the end of the piece sorry if its annoying to you. if it helps just imagine the 'ou' in the middle, or don't. it doesnt matter to me.
this is also a story/poem, not intended for any music. thank you for yr input.
#4
Quote by rushmore
the 'yr' has a purpose, and i do spell it all the way out at the end of the piece sorry if its annoying to you. if it helps just imagine the 'ou' in the middle, or don't. it doesnt matter to me.
this is also a story/poem, not intended for any music. thank you for yr input.

What is the purpose of the "yr"?
#5
it reflects the incompleteness of the character 'ada'. her unwillingness to follow through, her constant questioning of herself, her not worth mentioning boyfriend that i talk about in the beginning. spelling out 'your' at the end of the story represents changes in these things, self realization, ect.
#6
Quote by rushmore
it reflects the incompleteness of the character 'ada'. her unwillingness to follow through, her constant questioning of herself, her not worth mentioning boyfriend that i talk about in the beginning. spelling out 'your' at the end of the story represents changes in these things, self realization, ect.

Ahhhh, ok, very creative, I'd suggest posting that at the beginning next time . Now the poem seems much more complete!
#7
Matthew

Please keep writing. Each time I see you've posted a new peice I get all excited and stuff

Made me think of e e cummings because of the "yr" but much more accessible and understandable. Each new piece is even better than the last.