#1
Alrighty! I wrote the verse right after a discussion I was having with my friends about the war, the world and our dear Mr. President. I've got music written for it and it all flows.

I'm still working on this bad boy, but I'm pretty sure this is what I'm sticking with. Still need a 2nd verse and an ending. Oh! And a the title's iffy. Suggestions?

Well anyway, this is my pissed of rezrat view of what's going on right now. Tell me what you think =]


And the weird little things in the chorus are the best I could do at describing the little yell thing done there, haha,.


It's getting to be that time again
Skin thickens and backbones straighten out
We're starting to fall in line again
Look where we're standing now

It's not like we're moving forward we've given up and out
But it's not like we're moving backward so what's the fuss about?
It's time to let it be heard that we know that we're gettin jipped
We'll show you your respect but it doesnt mean we're liking it

Pitchforks and torches
Are not acceptable now
Armed with these voices
No longer mute, we're shouting out

He ey A Ay
We got our boots on, baby let's go
He ey A Ay
It's time to let this dorment world know
What we're fighting for, again
Because seem to have forgotten...

Well I just can't forget anymore
BITCH, IMA LEAD FARMER

Read 'Em =]
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Last edited by barrcode at Aug 9, 2009,
#2
This is a very good poem. It seems like it what writen with feelings wich is very good especially for a poem like this one. Keep on Writing

It's not, like we're moving forward, we've given up and out
But it's not, like we're moving backward, so what's the fuss about?
It's time, to let it be heard that we know, that we're gettin jipped
We'll show, you your respect, but it doesnt mean we're liking it

You could take out the commas in this verse because even though the song might have a pause in it, when reading it doesn't need a pause there. Another thing is that this seems to have changed the rhyming scheme from an abab to an aabb. It doesn't sound bad so you can keep it if you want.
Pitchforks and torches
May be a bit acceptable now
Armed with these voices
No longer mute, we're shouting out

Well this is acceptible but how about something along the lines that 'Pitchforks and Torches' 'They're not acceptable now' instead of how they are acceptable now. And I think that because there are protestors every day all over the world so you have to bring your protest to the next level so it will be heard above everone elses.
He ey A Ay
We got our boots on, baby let's go
He ey A Ay
Let's go give them a show
Let's give them something more, again
They seem to have forgotten...

Try using that as the next chorus
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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#3
Dude. Thank you so much. That helped me tons, especially the pitchforks and torches thing. That next chorus is really neat too, I think I'll use it =]


Again though, thanks a lot! It really helped.
BITCH, IMA LEAD FARMER

Read 'Em =]
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#5
Haha I'm not gonna lie, that was actually an ispiration, style-wise. I love Paramore.
BITCH, IMA LEAD FARMER

Read 'Em =]
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[thread="1177989"]Unwanted[/thread]
[thread="1179087"]Rude Awakening[/thread]