#1
And it's just another night that knew no sleep,
My mind is fine but my body, it's getting weak
12 hours of silence, 12 hours of being alone
And the question still prevails; is it all worth it?
Still I wake every morning and search for my purpose
Because, if there's a point to everything
You can't let it just go to waste
Right?

I'm tearing my insides up
Keeping myself alive
And if life is about luck
Then I can let everything else die

Nothing much makes sense anymore
I sit here alone and all I can do is think
And thre more I realize
The more confused I become
Whats the point of having eyes
If they don't help you see?
Whats the point of a mouth
If no one hears you speak?
#2
Its great. Amazingly blunt and clever at the same time. The meaning is right there but its frustrating because I feel like its on the tip of my tounge but i cant get at it. Well done mate.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#4
probs 8/10 its really good powerful, and i can relate to every word *CYBER HIGH FIVE* :P
#5
IT's very powerful, and I really like it.
However, the first verse and the second verse don'tflow together very well.

7/10


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#6
I think you should use "remains" instead of "prevails". If it "prevails", that's like saying it overcomes everything, but if it "remains", it has been there for a while and it still provokes you, which is more of what you're trying to say here.

I also don't like how the second stanza flows with the first. It's probably because you go from deep thought to something sudden and more aggressive like "tearing your insides up".

Change it to "Nothing makes much sense", "Nothing much makes sense" just... doesn't make sense. Unless that's what you were going for.

Overall, I like the idea and it was pretty well written. Mind taking a look at the song in my sig?
#7
If you guys wanna listen to it and see how I worked the flow, here's a link. http://www.myspace.com/threehoursong

I appreciate all of your comments, and I'll return the favor =]
Oh, and excuse my lackluster singing talent. Just pay attention to how it's written... I already know I'm a bad singer lol
Last edited by justinkh at Aug 10, 2009,
#8
Apart from the the last four lines, this was absolutely fantastic.

It's only a thin issue, but the hypothetical/rhetorical questions you utilize for the conclusion, seemed a little put-upon and sudden – they didn't quite suit in the way that I would of liked – But that's only a minor quibble. I stand by my comment: brilliant work.
#10
I really liked this, I didnt see any problems with it that havent been stated before I cant wait to read more of your stuff sorry I cant be more helpful but whatever if you dont mind criting my newest piece "Finding solace seems to be my biggest problem" there is a link in my sig